Comfort in Failure

Finding Relationship with God in the Everyday of Life

So often in my life I have been reduced to a bag of guilt when well meaning Christian leaders propose the necessity of having a quiet time regulated to a certain time of day. I’ve read that morning is best because that is when one is freshest and can give God his/her very best.

I am not opposed to a daily quiet time, in fact, I am a big proponent…..but I don’t always follow through with a good plan. I have tried without success for years to develop some type of program in which I would remain faithful. Sometimes I go for weeks without digging in really deep. I am not proud of that fact. I’ve been in the throes of guilt when people instruct me to pray for my children and other loved ones each and every day so that they are covered by God’s protection. I have been told to ask God to guide me each and every day so that I’m sure of God’s leading. I've been told to pray over every decision I make.

Something in my core says that doing anything routinely can become works righteousness mentality. Doesn’t God tell us that our best works for Him are as filthy rags? Whom are we trying to impress? My prayers do not need to be relegated to a certain time of day or a certain number of days of the week. My prayers or my communication with my God are at the very center of my existence. It is twenty four seven, not fifteen or thirty minutes a day. The Lord knows my heart. He knows I trust Him for everything and everyone in my life. He knows the sorrow in my heart of the sin that I seem to default to on a regular basis. He knows that I live only through the grace of his son, Jesus and His sacrifice on the cross to pay for my sins. He hears me each day as I praise Him for the song of the bird heard when I awake in the morning. He hears my heart cry of thanksgiving when I thank Him for the health and strength it took to get out of bed and begin another productive day in this world. He sees me bow my head before the food I eat asking him for the sanctifying action only He can do to purify that which I can't. When I acknowledge in my thoughts sent to Him that I need Him every hour of every day, does He wait for me to sit down at 8 o’clock each morning before He acts on my request? He understands my love for my husband, parents, children and grandchildren and promises care over their lives as He does over my life. We, each of us, are in the palm of His hand everyday. He nods his head when I remind Him to allow my covenant children and grandchildren to feel His presence and give them a thirst for righteousness. Do I need to ask Him everyday? Doesn’t He know those prayers are an on going desire of my heart? Those are prayers of my life not of only a day. Hasn’t he said that my obedience to Him is rewarded by giving me the desires of my heart? I used to feel I needed to write my prayers so that I had proof that I prayed for this or that or this person or that person. That served a purpose for me then but at this place in my walk with God, I don’t feel the need for that anymore even though there is great reward in having a record so one can see God’s faithfulness. Those journals were for me, not for God. God has His own ledger and He doesn’t lose it or misplace it. Jesus even perfects it, making it pure enough to reach the Father’s ears. Don't you sometimes wonder how much our prayers need changing to be fit for the Father's ears? God remembers the prayers I write and the prayers I breathe.

So what am I trying to say? I firmly believe in daily communion with my God and Father, Jesus Christ my Savior and the Holy Spirit, my Comforter and Counselor. I do have questions, however, about so much of what we hear about quiet times. Some sit with a book written about the Bible by another human being. Those books are called devotionals. Hmmmmmmmm Sometimes that works for me but, I find routine rather boring, yes, even when it is reading Scripture and communicating through prayer. I tend more to lean toward the unexpected, such as today when I listened to a discussion on Christian radio. It really sent me to the Word to check out what truth was from God's perspective on the subject. I applaud anyone who can have a meaningful quiet time each and every day year in year out. I battle too much spontaneity in my personality. I crave variety. I get it in, but it is usually different each day, whether it is listening to the Word read to me from this blog each day or tuning in to my favorite Christian programs on television, or hearing the Word through the radio station or or or.....sometimes I pray better with the Words of Scripture than I do my own words. I even resort to books of prayer sometimes as they can eloquently express the state of my heart.

At this point in my life I have come to this understanding. In a nutshell; God is much bigger than I. He understands my lifestyle better than anyone else. He knows my heart. He knows my tendency to start with vigor and end in weakness and failure. He also knows the sincerity of my heart. How do I know that? I know that because I feel His Spirit well up within me often…..revealing things He has said in His Word. Sometimes they are words of warning, other times words of correction, then there are those precious times when words of comfort and encouragement sit on the very edge of my tongue and then bury themselves deeply in the core of my being.

If your struggle is similar to mine…..if your reality hasn’t met up with your intentions….carry on in His grace. Know that He remembers we are dust. I believe in God. God is who He says He is…..He can do what He says He can do……I am who He says I am……I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me…..God’s Word is alive and active in me.

Be patient with me.....God isn't finished with me yet. Today's blog is my effort at sorting it all out...not necesarily for you, but for me.