Today is the Day

Finally, the sun! Only 46 degrees. It isn't warm yet, but it is getting there, so they say. Supposed to get to 64. We will see.

The wake isn't until two o'clock and then the funeral is at four. It will be a long day here today. After the funeral Jann is having the luncheon here. It is interesting how differently things are done in different places. I think if I were the widow I'd prefer to let the church ladies worry about it. I could hear my sister cleaning up and making preparations from three to five this morning. Miss Tiddy Mighty. She's a trip. If anyone thinks I have been fussy in my life, they have never met my sister. Yikes. Then I remind myself that my home has always housed more people than she had at her highest count. At this point now, it is 5/1. She also has a nice new house and the rooms are larger which are easier to keep organized. Her house is a very open concept.......no stairs.....airy. Both Ken and I like the layout. Very comfortable.

I'm thinking this will be a very hard day for Sis. She has been solid as a rock but I'm afraid today will bring out the reality of this time.

Aside from hearing Jann putts outside our bedroom door, last night was the first night for two months that I slept until seven o'clock. This morning I feel more rested than I have...that is sure to help. Like I have said, "Each day is a bit better."

Sitting in a Chair Wishing it Were Warmer Today

Arrived safe and sound last night around nine thirty. I am still attempting to catch up on sleep but that is a whole other subject.

Today has been a very busy day with family members all around. I'm rather weary of talk talk talk. I know it is just this time for me. I'm hoping another night will catch me up.

We spent hours today going through old pictures. We all change, don't we?

Yesterday when we got here it was 72 and had been 80. Today a cold front came in, darn it. It rained and rained today. Tomorrow is supposed to be sunny again. It better be because we will stay until we can soak in some rays before heading back north. There is not one bit of desire on my part to go back into that cold and snow. Ugh.

Jack At Peace

You who!!!!!!!!!!!! My niece gave me a nice laptop she had discarded because the battery went bad. That was way back in October. Yesterday, we finally got a battery for it and it is eureka. Works like a charm and the guy at the computer shop in town says he uses the same brand and model for his office there. Yeah. Now I have somebody to answer any questions I have. This thing types nicely and doesn't jump around testing my purity like Ken's does. I think he is used to his but I'm tickled to have my very own laptop. I will still use my desk top model as my foundation but this is great for dragging along.

My sister called last evening to say that her husband was losing ground quickly. I told to call me any time during the night but she waited till six thirty to call to say Jack had slipped from this side to the other around three thirty. Last evening Jann's voice was full of anquish. There was a spirit of surrender and relief this morning. God grant grace and mercy for the days ahead.

Now what will our plans be? Don't really know for sure at this point. Looking to our God for direction.

Back to Church!

I didn't know if I'd ever feel like getting back to church and thinking that my husband and grandson go to the early service was even more intimidating. BUT, today was the day and I actually enjoyed it. It was good to be among the worshipers again and great to enjoy all the family members there. One of my friends greeted me and reminded me that I would be tired by the time I got home after receiving everyone's greeting. Yep.....kind of tired but it felt good. It is wonderful to feel among the land of the living once again.

It is amazingly cold today. Right above zero. I'm more than a little tired of the cold this year. I don't remember a winter in recent memory that has been this cold continuously. I'm ready for a weather break. Florida has had its fair share of cold weather this week, too. It is just a reminder to them how we live everyday.

It looks like the sun might break through this afternoon. That can do amazing things toward bringing up the temps. The closer the sun the warmer the day; the closer the Son, the warmer the heart. Have a warm day in both catagories.

Noblesville and Its Special People

Thursday was such a pretty day and I longed to go for a long ride and let the sunrays soak into my light deficient body. Ken was busy so it didn't happen. When yesterday dawned with a small hopeful glow in the south east I decided to make my move. I asked Ken what he thought about riding to Noblesville to see Josh and Susan. He thought we could do that. They are very easy to visit with and we always enjoy our time there. The sun was not shining when we pulled onto 65 south but I still had hope. It wasn't long before the glow turned into a show and we were warmed right there in the front seats of our vehicle. It was so beautiful. It was the first ride in the car for two months in which I could relax and let out many yawns and sighs.

When we arrived it was 45 degrees which eventually went to 49 degrees. I made mention around my son that dad should clean out the Durango. Josh is a pleaser so he hopped right on that one. It wasn't long before they took it to the car wash and got the outside clean, and then more importantly, to me, they pulled it into the garage and cleaned the inside til it shone. I love a clean car. Over the years with as big a family as we had/have, it wasn't always a reality for my ideal longing. But, we drove home in a car that was clean, felt clean and looked clean.

I did have an ulterior motive in going to see Susan. Susan worked for seventeen years as a cosmetologist. She knows how to cut hair. I felt mine looked pretty awful. Actually, I was not happy with my last haircut so each time I did my hair in the morning I always came up short emotionally. Susan was very willing to bring her mother in law up to standard. We made a plan and she cut and shaped it so that with a little growth we will be where I've wanted to be. Noblesville isn't too far to go for a haircut, is it?

Our visit was rich and our ride home just as enjoyable. We stayed long enough for Grandpa and DAddy to walk to the road, (a good distance) to meet Kiersten, our little first grader, at the bus. She was happy as a little lark as she told of her school day. She was even more excited about a soc hop for first graders that she was going to attend at six thirty. Blew my mind. What did we do for entertainment when we were first graders? A picnic at the end of the school year was about it. I was very tired by the time we reached home but it felt good to have accomplished some things.

The call of this spring is to reclaim our home. That means.......get all my collections out of here.....get rid of the surplus and live more simply. Each time we talked of some things Josh has been interested in over the years, he would say, I did that know I'm on to other things. That's how I feel about being the owner of three hundred glass luncheon sets and who knows how many boxes of dishes. Been there done that and now on to a more simple lifestyle.

Thank you Jesus

A physican's assistant told me yesterday that she wished I had held off on a blood test I had done yesterday. Last week she told me to be thinking of getting one. I do what the doctors tell me so why she changed her mind I don't know. When I asked the reason she said it was because my kidney numbers would still show high after being on some potent stuff.

Today, my friend Mandy from my family doctor in town called to give me the results of the test. I wanted to scream so I couldn't hear them but I could tell by Mandy's excited voice that there was good news. She started this way, "We got your results and Dr. Tim wanted me to call you to report that your numbers are better!" I listened as she gave me the numbers and then got a pen and asked her to repeat them. They were BETTER! I give all the praise and glory to our healing God. It was good news that was the ultimate. It made me realize that there is a future for me........all for God's glory. He has taught me so much through this horrific experience. I would not want to repeat the pain and agony but I praise Him for showing me things I've never seen before. The really neat thing is that two of my biggest supporters; one medical and one emotional were both gone for an entire week. I can't count the times I have said, "I wish so and so were home so we could discuss this." Well, now I can't wait for both of them to get home so I can shout it from the mountain tops. God is so good, God is so good, God is so good, He's so good to me!

Praise God with us today.

A Pretty Winnter Day

Wow....it is a pretty day.... at least looking out the window. I heard it is supposed to be a bit warmer today. I think Ken has anticipation of getting the Durango washed today. The true color is silver gray but it looks a drab white with the cover of salt all over it.

I have a yen to take a ride south and go until we see earth without a white cover. I don't think it will happen since I have no real agenda but I would love to get out of here. In due time. I talked with my dad last night and he said that this morning was supposed to be their lowest temperature in Florida this winter. Yikes. I think of our friends, John and Jan, who left the area and went south to get some warm weather. I hope they didn't go Florida way. This winter reminds me of the quote in Narnia that says, "it is always winter and never Christmas". When winter hangs on like it is doing this year, it is time to make a change. Lauri and Kendra and I all decided we would consider moving to Phoenix. I used to gringe at that thought, but I can't say it would bother me in the least. I would most concern myself over my dad and a few of our kids that would remain here, but they would be invited to join us. It's nice to dream, eh?

I understand Obama and his chief justice finally got the oath right on their second try last night. While that was happening it was very obvious to me that the justice had messed up the words and had thrown Obama off. It was kind of an embarrassment for both of them. Even in such a highly governmental affair, some things do go awry. Practice makes perfect but the truth stands, none of us is perfect.

Morning

The day is dawning. The cars are still traveling with lights to see their way. The woods across the road and past a clearing stand in a clump of darkness against the palette of white snow. It is probably the quietest time of day one affords. The wind hasn't found its strength yet, the sun has yet to make its appearance. There have only been two cars make their way across the snow covered rural road that passes our house. It is a nice way to work into a new day. I think by contrast how we experienced early morning in Seoul Korea. When we were there thirty years ago, there was a curfew in place The city sounds quieted at night like turning off a switch at around eleven o'clock. At around four a m this city of millions woke with deafening noises. Whistles, crazy horns and bells were heard from pull carts, in addition to the noise of taxi's buses and cars. It was the craziest experience. I remember getting out of my comfortable hotel bed and gazing down ten floors at the street taking in as much of this foreign culture as I could. That was an entirely different way of greeting a new day.

Where ever we are on this morning, be it hustling and bustling or quiet and subdued, our God is the one true God and His promises for faithfulness and new mercies are available to each of His children. As I listen to the news this morning, I realize our nation needs God's mercies now more than ever. Our stock market responded to the inauguration of this new president, who many see as a savior of all we saw valuable. The first time ever, the stock market plunged on the day of the installation of a new popular president. One cannot but question.......what is going on? I guess investor's fears are still very real. Let us rest today in the knowledge and faith that our great God is in control.

Political Opinion

Ken and I hold love and devotion to extended family on a high level of importance. Ken's cousin died over the weekend and the wake and funeral will be in Davenport Iowa tomorrow and Thursday. People's situations change all the time and for me, a five hour trip one way, a night in a hotel and five hours home is more than I can honestly say would be wise for me. We both came to the same conclusion without any struggle and felt better after we had made a unified decision. We both feel sorry that we will not be there to uphold and support Marcy, but she knows we love her and are praying for her. Hopefully, you will read this Marc, and know why you won't see us there. Our hearts break for your loss but we know the spirit of the Lord is up to the task of comforting you and filling you with new hope and new purpose. Please express our sympathy to Julie and the boys. This will be a particularly poignant loss for Julie. God bless. We will both be with you in thought and prayer.

An inauguration to remember. While there is a difference in political thought and philosophy, I now recognize Obama as my president. I will have more to say on this subject in the future as we look back but I won't risk stirring emotions or detracting from the joy of the day for most of us. I'm a sucker for pomp and circumstance so enjoyed all that it was. One of my biggest joys is watching the out going president and wife get on that helicopter and get the dickens out of the rat's nest called DC. I can't imagine the relief. Especially for George and Laura who inspite of the criticism and unkind remarks have remained gracious and dignified. I wonder what they said as they plopped down and that copter wisked them away. I know George said he will make Laura some coffee in Crawford tomorrow morning but that he didn't know what they would do after that. God bless and honor them with rest and respite. I'm guessing they need it really badly.

I was impressed with the vitality that the Carters displayed. I was saddened to see the age show on GHW Bush. CNN called his office to see what was going on and they were told that he has walked that way since a back surgery in '07. Barbara is still Barbara. What a vision of strength she is. Gotta love that woman. I felt a pang of sorrow for Cheney too as knowing him as we do would never choose to express physical weakness. And since when do presidents and vps carry their own moving boxes?

Pray for wisdom and divine insight for Obama. I can't imagine tackling even a day of the job ahead of him.

I have a high respect for each of our former presidents. Ooops, I lied. I still can't get past the lack of dignity Clinton showed to the whole world. How he can hold up his head before the world belies my understanding.

Just a bit of political opinion poll from me. If yours is different, I'd love to hear it.

Grammar and Grief

I had a good chuckle last night while reading a bit of one of the book series I love. There was a conversation between the parson and an old country bumpkin. The beloved bumpkin was throwing his "ain'ts" around with abandon. It suddenly tickled me so good as my memory was brought back to my teacher mother and my less than educationally interested father. My father hated school. He is a brilliant man but was not keen on taking on the habits of the ivory towers. To this day he has a bit of suspicion about higher education. I can hear my mother correct him over and over when the ain't word came out of his mouth. He just paid her no mind. After my mother died, he married another teacher and one that was very concerned about diction and proper grammar. Smile. My dad was not left in the dust over his use of ain't. He was very successful as a business man and as my brothers and I reminisced Saturday, he always wrote checks for his new cars. He wore a suit and tie every day of his work life and somehow kept up his dignity dispite the ain't word.

One generation down.........my sister and I wouldn't use ain't on a bet BUT, my two brothers carry on their father's tradition. My husband was a Chicago boy and educated in private schools. Then he moved to De Motte and started taking grammar lessons from those around here including my father. "Ain't" does flip out of his citified mouth. Years ago it bugged me and I tried just as diligently to correct him. He listens as well to me as my father did to my mother. I think I have accepted that neither he, my father or my brothers will ever change that habit. There isn't much I would change in any of them but the word "ain't".

So much for grammar today. We had a sober weekend as my sister's husband clings to life in a Florida hospital and Ken learned he lost a dear cousin. There were three children in that family who were Ken's dad's brother's family. They were very close to Ken and his parents. Just a few months ago the son, John died, and now his older sister has gone to glory. Marcy, the youngest, remains. When she called yesterday, it seemed to me she expressed a sudden lonliness. Our prayers are with the entire family. There are four children whose mother is no longer among us. Dear God, send mercy and grace and comfort.

A Very Busy Saturday

Yesterday was a very big day for me. After sitting on my sitter for the last six weeks, I have been tending to a few of the mundane things that need doing here. I am sure my husband is more than a little relieved. I will make public my appreciation for all that he has taken over. In addition to doing my work, he has been busy with insurance work as well. If he has ever proved his love for me it has been now. As all humans he came to his patient end just a couple times. Once was Friday night when I asked him to go to the grocery store for salt free tomato sauce and kidney beans. I had a yen for chili which is very unusual. I thought I could make it as salt free as possible and eat it without guilt. He came home with some cans of the requested but none of it was even close to salt free. When I commented that I wouldn't be able to use those, he kind of lost it. After putting in the effort he hadn't been successful. I was talking to my friend Joyce who also has to watch her salt intake and she told me the labels he should look for. It didn't go over very well. Joyce gathered together cans she had that would fill my bill and then dropped them off later. I still haven't made the chili but I will soon.


Ken and I cleaned the house together and it felt so freeing to get this place back to a presentable condition. My brother and his wife came from Wis about 2:30. Though they could care less whether there were dust kitties on my floor, it was therapeutic for me to have things clean. After they arrived, my dear friend from church, Rosa, drove into the yard and bore a bouquet of flowers as she walked into the house. I was delighted to introduce her to my brother and wife. My brother is on the board of an orphanage complex in Peru and spends about a month there each year. I knew he would thrill to hear Rosa's Spanish accent. I watched a grin spread across his face every now and then. Rosa would be delightful whatever language she spoke. She and the rest enjoyed a friendly cup of java and off she went to Merrillville to pick up an order.

Late in the afternoon, we drove to my other brother and wife's home who live here. They had dinner for us and then kept Jim and Sue overnight. We had an enjoyable time. I must say by seven thirty I was totally pooped.

When we walked into our kitchen on our return, there stood a stainless steel thermos bottle. I couldn't figure it. Imagine my delight to find Rosa had returned to bring me a chai tea! What a sweetie! I will sip it in small quantities but I sure did enjoy my first cup. Thanks Rosa.

The Big Birthday

We braved many elements to be able to spend part of Emerson's birthday with her yesterday . As God would have it the bitter cold gave both her mommy and daddy a day off of school so all three were home.

Both Ken and I had big reservations about making the trip. They were not mutual reservations, however . You see, my husband goes early in the morning to the coffee shop in town. It is certainly not the place to get filled up with positive attitude. So when he got home, he said, "Well, if we go I think we will bypass 65 and 80/94." I asked what way would we go? Oh through Lowell and Dyer and and and. I looked at him like he was out of his mind. I asked why and he said there is ice and accidents all over the place. I know not to make a big deal of it but it just gripes me. See I was raised by a father that let not snow, ice, hail, or tornado stop him from going somewhere and that is the philosophy in my head. Then I have this man who wants to be oh so cautious. He already had asked me to listen to the travel reports and the gal I listened to and watched speak the words said, "Very cold, but travel is much better than yesterday." I relayed that to him and then he went to town. Enuf said on that score. In the end, no more was said, and we left, he took the normal interstate routes and we never saw an accident and didn't see any ice. Our way home was less than swift because we got caught in a parking lot during rush hour. Once we got on 294 the way was clear. We got off at 2 and 65 to get some cheap gas. Oh darn. It went up 25 cents since we filled up in the morning. The trucks were crawling on 2 just when I had opened my mouth to remind my less than positive driver that we had seen no accidents. Oooops, a little to early. A big semi with a open load of heavy looking product had lost the back wheels of his rig into the little ditch in front of Flying Js. They had a big truck there trying to right it but it didn't look real promising. We got our gas and got back on 65 for our final 15 minute leg home. No more had we gotten on and we saw another big semi that had rolled on its side in the median. Oh my. There were very dark tire marks on the road so my guess is the poor guy got cut off. The roads were dry. So okay, we did see two accidents..........only miles from our house.

My reservations were more of a physical nature. For whatever reason, I was UP the ENTIRE night prior. I could not rest for even five minutes. I'd lie down and was up in no time. Ken rubbed my back until he fell asleep (about five minutes) then Scarlen came to my room and sat on the bed and did for me what I have done for her many times. Comforted and rubbed my back. She was so sweet. I wish I could say anything was successful but I would be lying. Do you know how long it is from when everyone else goes to bed and light comes in the morning. By morning, I was a total wreck. I could not figure out why the Ambien did not work and I couldn't understand how my body would function after having been up over 24 hours. I didn't sleep on the way....just couldn't find it. When we first arrived, we sat in the living room where I laid on the sofa and the sun streamed in over my body. For some reason, I began to relax and fell asleep. I slept an hour and was relieved to know that my body would find rest again. We stayed about four hours and by that time, I was eager to get home.

We enjoyed watching a little girl all of one year old wearing her little birthday tiara and enjoying all the attention by her doting parents and grandparents. I've never seen a daddy so whipped. I swear he watches her every moment. The grin that spreads across his face proves the point. When we celebrated her birthday (picture above) with uncles aunts and cousins, she was unimpressed with the cake. Didn't want anything to do with it......ie...why Kendra is sucking the frosting off her finger. We tried again last night and realized the little kid is scared of cakes. I wonder if its the candle burning. I don't know but it truly was funny. She didn't even want her picture taken near the thing. Grandpa and Daddy enjoyed it even if she didn't. Kendra put a crumb of cake into Emerson's mouth and she spit it out with vigor. Maybe next year.

For Joyce, my sister, Jann, and Bernice, I have a confession to make. This morning I was cleaning off my bedside table. A white pill set next to a glass of water. I picked up that pill and matched it to those in the Ambien bottle. I know that I took a pill that night which I thought was an Ambien. Guess not. Explains a lot but not all. I still don't know why I was so jumpy though perhaps I just put my self in a state anticipating going away the next day. Kendra lovingly told me that I was mental. She is right. I'm working on it or should I say that God is working on it.

Comfort Foods

As I shared on Facebook, I actually cooked my first home made food last night. It was a double batch of tapioca pudding. Ken and I both love it and it is one of our most effective comfort foods. It took awhile standing stirring the stuff but it was while I was on the phone so it made it rather a nonissue. Ken came in the kitchen and asked when we could eat it. I said the directions say it has to cool first. He went away dejected but said, 'as soon as it is cool, bring me a BIG bowl'. Well, he wasn't the only one who couldn't wait. I finally filled two big bowls, one a papa size and one a mama size and we ate it warm. It was so wonderful. I think tapioca pudding is something one has to have had in their family history in order to appreciate. My grandma made it for me and anything my grandma made for me was wonderful from potaton (Hoosier mama could probably spell that right for me). Potaton for our family was anything mixed with potatoes, be it cabbage or carrots. It must have been her touch. She also made mouse.....I need you again, Margi. That was pork of some sort cooked down and then barley, potatoes, and kale cooked together. YUM You don't know what you are missing. My dad hated it so my grandma would make big batches and bring our share over for my mother and we children. We liked it better the second day when all the flavors had melded and then sprinkled with vinegar. I still make it once in awhile for a treat for Ken and me and for our older children. They were the ones that experience my grandma and I'm sure they see the towel covered bowl in her hands as she entered the house from the next house down the street. I don't know if there was ever a person in my entire life that loved me more and proved it. There was never a doubt. I seriously don't remember a time she was angry or disappointed with me. She was awesome. I praise God for such a godly woman in my life and in the life of our kids. Kendra was two years old when she died and I can still see her stand on her tippy toes trying to see Great Gamma in the casket. My own mother died prior. I was thirty nine and had lost the two most influencial women in my life. God had other plans, he placed a friend in their place that is still my soulmate. I praise Him. God may take away but He also gives back.

Sometimes I am amazed at where I go with this thing. I sat down with no particular thing on my mind but I gave you pieces of mine, didn't I?

The snow is falling and falling....Scarlen just called to say school will be released at 12:55. I think that is a good decision. At this point, the day they have in will count and will not cost them one more make up day. Ken will go to get Isaiah and Lauri's kids will take the bus home.

Tomorrow we are supposed to go to Kendra and Craig to see Emerson on her birthday. We will see what the roads look like tomorrow. I want to see that little stinker so bad. Grandma's get goofier with age. I walked by her picture yesterday and kissed it! What is with me????? She is so super cute and sweet and lives way too far away. I know Kendra doesn't like it when I say that but I truly do feel that way. Perhaps God has a way in the future.

For those following my progress, you can respectfully dance the praise dance to the Lord for the loss of two more pounds. I am beginning to feel better. My whole body from waist down is so tender and sore. I will be glad when I can move without reminder. Please keep praying for God to restore me to fulfill the work I know He has for me to do. Two days ago, I wasn't so sure....but hope has returned and I PRAISE HIM.

BTW, some of you dear friends have sent cards, messages and called. I haven't gotten back to everyone but know that I appreciate your concern and most of all your prayers for my recovery. Yvonne, I love you and when the phone stops ringing long enough, I'll get back to you. My life is so rich with friends! Makes me weep. I love you all.

Looking Back

The baby of our family, namely, Emerson Mary Chatham, will be one year old on Thursday. Her mama wants Grandpa and Grandma to be in attendance. We all celebrated the week after Christmas and that was nice since the rest of the party goers would not be able to be there on Thursday. Emerson is doing all the cute fun things one year olds do. She is into sign language presently. She knows several words or should I say "signs". Mama or Dada say a word like baby, and she folds her little arms and rocks to and fro. Her parents are having a ball watching the miracle of development. She knows my voice on the phone and gets all giddy. Yesterday, Kendra told her they would call Grandma and she got all excited until she heard a different voice on the house phone. Then she started to cry. When I called back she returned to the thrill of hearing her Grandma's voice. They are certainly little divine miracles.

Kendra shared with me that she and Craig think it is important to eat as a family. (praise the Lord). It isn't very consistent for them as Craig is a basket ball coach and is at school until late evening so they have to look ahead and plan the nights they will sit around the table and eat as a family. Don't ya just love to hear the values you taught your kids coming out a generation later? Family meal time is something that our busy lifestyles have stolen from the society we live in. I'm sure it is Satan's plan. Break down the family any way he can. Anyway, Emerson has always been a very good eater. Kendra made all her food with the goal of giving her life's best. Suddenly, the last few days, she won't eat anything Kendra is making her. When offered a jar of baby food, she will eat some of it BUT....the best food of all comes from either Mommy or Daddy's plate. Aren't kids funny. All those transitions a mother wonders if she will get through and some how or another it all works out. So feed her from your plate, what's the difference?

Sometimes as parents we have such presupposed ideas of what is right or good. Recently when Josh and Jennifer's eleven year old nephew came for a two month visit, he was having difficulty sleeping at night. Jennifer would often walk into his room and find tears streaking down his little face. She called the boy's father, her bio brother and asked what was the scoop. Well, Dad said, he has never slept alone in a room, he is used to having a family bedroom. Of course, duh, that's the Asian way. So Kip and Jennifer moved his bed into their room and the drama was over. Poor kid. I can't count on how many parents have a thing about NOT letting a child into their bed or Not having kids in their bedroom. I think we need to lighten up. Not all our ways are the best or the only. I'm sure Asian kids grow up just as self assured (or more) than US kids.

Some parents operate as an oak tree. Still, solid, strong, unbending, totally assured. They think they can't help but succeed. They are surprised when their heavily disciplined child walks away.

Some parents operate as an weeping willow tree. Soft, whispy, blown this way and that, sweeping the ground on occasion, dropping twigs and leaves all over the place and sucking every bit of moisture out of the ground, There really is little boundaries or absolutes. Kids are allowed to blow with the wind and develop their own growing up plan.

Some parents operate as Psalm 1:3He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers. Did you notice that this tree has a steady diet of water........it yields....which means it can take changes.......it produces fruit at the right time and the leaves don't wither. That produced fruit has eternal value. And the biggest parental goal around.........whatever he does prospers.

Plan B

Well, it is Monday morning, the day I was supposed to have lost at least eight pounds. Twelve ounces is all the scale shows on its downward spiral. The doctor told me on Wednes day that if it didn't happen he had other tricks up his sleeve. Dear God, I hope those are answers and not tricks. I called and spoke with his nurse this morning. She was surprised success was not had. She told me she would report to the doctor and they would call back. I expected to wait all day as I sat with the phone in my hand carrying it from place to place. She already checked with the doctor and he is starting plan B. He prescribed a different type of diuretic to jump start the one my body isn't paying much attention to any longer. This I will take for five days. All my faithful prayer warriors who read this blog are called to pray for this new drug to break down the resistance to freeing me from the fluid stuck in my body. Lord God, show me new mercies today.



I watched President Bush's exit press conference this morning. I saw a man that believes with all he is that he made decisions based on the good of the America people. I also saw a man that has aged many years over the last four. He looked tired and ready to exit the territory. I look forward for Laura and George to be able to share that morning cup of coffee together a week from Wednesday in Crawford. Bush is right when he says that Obama has yet to feel the burden of the office. As I've said before, one can promise the world when he/she hasn't sat in on those daily national sercurity meetings. My prayer is that God will guide Obama to fulfill His will for America. Show America your mercies too Lord. And lest we forget....thank you for all the blessings we have received over the many years of our freedom. You are the only true God.

His Mercies are New Every Morning

It is a new morning and you know what that means? It means this..........
Lamentations 3:
22Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him

What a wonderful promise that is. What new compassion do you have for me today, Lord? I will be searching for it. I praise you that your faithfulness is great.

One of my favorite things to do in life is to ride in a car. It doesn't really matter if I'm the driver or the passenger. The only difference is that when I'm the passenger I get the best sleep ever. I haven't been able to sleep in the car recently but I look forward to the day that relaxation returns. Yesterday I spent all afternoon at our daughter, Lauri's house. I was witness to a scene that brought me back many years. Lauir's kids are now at ages they can be a big help in cleaning the house. So lists were made (the way her mother did it) and each child was on encouraged to accomplish the things on his/her lists. By the time the jobs were really complete, one child had to do the vacuuming three times. She wasn't pleased either. Her claim was that she had vacuumed. I told Lauri that she probably had but she needs to learn to SEE dirt. I know that many people don't SEE dirt. How blest are they! Needless to say, Mom was discouraged with her little helpers. It takes some time for most kids to realize that doing a good job the first time is the least painful for everyone involved. I tried to be an on looker and not say word one. I know this little child did not need two mothers. The children's father, soft as a marshmallow, said to his wife, "how are we going to raise the cleaning bar of our children?" Then he looked at me and asked if I had any ideas. I smiled and said, Oh I don't know, I probably tortured them. He laughed.

So when we left Lauri and Elton we took a ride south toward Rensselaer. It felt so good to be in the car and just ride. We stopped for a Dairy Queen cone on our way back. When I got home I ejected it from my body so I don't know what that was all about. Rather disappointing.

I couldn't wait to get to sleep last night. Sleep is the ultimate escape. I had a twelve hour escape last night. Wonderful. Ken and Isaiah are at the early service. I'm trying to get my day started. I'll be looking for those new mercies today. Enjoy the ones he gives you.

Rod Blagojevich ...

Well, our neighbor state's governor is now impeached. I used to think that was ousted but nothing is further from the truth. It is the beginning step of attempting to remove Blagojevich from office against his will. If I now understand it correctly, it is a vote taken by the legislative body that says, "Yes, there is something to be looked at here. He is up for some questioning." So a trial will take place in the legislature. As in all political processes, there are steps that are taken so that everything is thought out and not done in haste. In Rod's case, I say the man is either made of steel or he is the biggest liar around. I think what's happening in the Burris case is interesting as well. At first, Reps and Dems alike were quick to denounce his appointment. No way would he serve. I have listened to the talk get less negative. Barrack seems to be soft peddling that one and so those around him will fall in line behind him like a brood of baby ducks. Politics is an arena where anything can be expected and if you don't like how the wind is blowing today.....just wait a day or two and you may be happier. I know we need Christians in that field but I'm not sure how a Christian could survive it. It would be divine help for sure. In my own heart and mind I find a bit of sorrow over those that we place into office with faith in their integrity, only to be fooled one more time. I'm not quite sure why we listen to all their campaign promises. They could be termed campaign bologny. Power and privilege can be obstacles to good intention.

What's New?

So, what's new? I've been out of the loop so long I have no idea what is going on around my world. I have had no desire to be out and about. Home is so safe, isn't it? I have watched other people go through this sort of thing and would be clueless as to why they were so attached to their own four walls. I guess one has to walk the walk before understanding comes. Believe me, it is not my biggest aspiration. I look forward to returning to the land of the living. My poor husband has been so patient. One of the things that drew me to Ken when we were nineteen and twenty was the way he would greet me. His face was always lit up like a Christmas tree. That smile has still not worn out. Each time he comes in the door, the first thing he does is call out, Hello. That helps him figure out where I am. Then he searches me out and greets me with that same warm, everything is going to be alright smile. Those times I have been super sad, I found him hovering. I would hear him coming down the hall just to check on me. Again, the big smile would flash before me. I thank God for him. He truly has been my confidant, my encourager, my delight. For years and years I prided (yes prided) myself in the fact that I was a much more serious person than he was. He seemed to always have fun no matter what the circumstances. God has shown me a thing or two. Ken had it right all the time. I spent my time reasoning in my own strength and getting nowhere good. So even though I don't know what is going on around me I am learning what is going on in me. It's taken some humility but the truth is worth it.

The Kidney Specialist

Today was a stressful day for me as most of you are aware of. Fortunately, I had my faithful husband and one of my devoted daughters with me as I went to the kidney specialist. Ken had occasion to use this doctor a year or so ago when he messed up his kidneys by taking too much Ibuprofen. To tell you the truth I never knew the doctor's name. I confessed on the way home that I definitely have tendencies toward racism. Last names tell me a lot about a person or at least I'm convinced of that. This man's last name screamed Persian of some sort. I rather balked at that but Ken told me he was a very nice man and I would like him.

We were genuinely welcomed by the staff as we arrived. Not the normal type of doctor's office. The receptionist was sweet as sugar. The nurse had a smile in her eyes that was comforting. She took all my information and said I would be just fine. I wasn't so sure I would believe that. Then the doctor came in. He had a very easy way about him. As he looked over my records, he reminded me that this was not a new problem. For the last eight years I have experienced heart failure. I knew that but for many years I tried to deny it. Diuretics are my lifeline but when the kidneys have had enough they start to scream. Hence the cardiologists decision to send me to this guy. He checked my body over and said it was obvious I was carrying quite a bit of water retention. He felt there was a bit of water in one of my lungs. His decision is to double up on my diuretic for five days in hopes that amount of time will be enough to take this fluid off. Then we will see. He said my condition is one of trying to balance enough fluid but not too much. This will be something I will have to watch from day to day. He did not seem overly concerned. He said if I didn't lose eight pounds by Monday, I should call him because he has other tricks up his sleeve. He said he expected I would feel much better in a few days. That was good news.

Soooooo. Please pray my body will expel the fluid it needs to get rid of. Pray also that my body will find a comfortable balance. Thank God for seeing me through this day that I have been so fearful of.

The Struggle to Stay Positive

It is the fourth of the month already. The last I wrote was New Year's Day. Just haven't been in the mood. As I read the last couple of entries, I want to hang my head/they are pretty depressing. While my circumstances are not changed a whole lot, I wish to be more positive today. At times like this it strikes me that writing a blog is like hanging one's dirty laundry for all to see. If I didn't believe with all my heart that Jesus is my refuge and fortress, I'd give this up in a minute. If there is anything I have learned in my sixty plus years is that everyone goes through things that are difficult. In the church of my childhood, it was proper to keep all ones troubles secret. We were to appear pure and holy. What a facade. We would not wish to appear as though we were nonspiritual. I so praise God that I am a member of the body of Christ at a church that recognizes that life is a spiritual battle and that we find our victory in Jesus and when we struggle, people, fellow believers, (Jesus with skin on) come along with us and encourage us with their hugs and prayers and when victory is finally won, celebrate God's faithfulness with us by praising God.

It is difficult to be positive today. Some time ago I wrote about a wonderful lady from our church that died of a heart attack. Her husband found her on the sofa and thought she was sleeping. To say this couple loved each other is an understatement. Most of their family lived miles away so they were a grandpa and grandma to several children in our church including our pastor's children. Yesterday we got a terrible phone call. The husband had gone in the back yard and shot himself. We were bowled over. Jim? Why would he do that? He seemed to be in grief but handling it fairly well. Our church family has been robbed by Satan one more time. We have experienced male suicide three times in four years. Unheard of in a church, correct? I can't conjecture any motive or reason other than that the holidays made his wife's absence more than he could handle. I wish I could hug him one last time and tell him how important his presence is to us at Community. He was a surrogate grandfather to the children of one of the men who took his life a couple of years ago. Tell me, how those kids are going to recover. Yes, we at Community have been dealt another heavy blow. God teach us what we are to learn through this latest trial.

Happy New Year

The more appropriate greeting would be that I pray you have a blessed new year. I pray that prayer for our family as well. I do not think the economic turn down has done us a disfavor. Aren't we all appreciating God's blessings a little more instead of always looking for more? I know that some of you have businesses suffering and have lost jobs or securities. My heart goes out to you. From past experience I urge you to hang on to God's promises. Remember the Reagan years? To my dad and many others he was a great leader. To Ken and me, some of his programs were partly responsible for the loss of our business. There were many other factors. Ugliness trickles down. But since that day, I have looked at money in a totally different way. I learned first hand that one can have money one day and be penniless the next. One can appear to be a successful person one day and a fool the next. A seventy year old man recently confessed to his children that he has lost a third of his holdings in the last six months. It isn't uncommon for us to blame ourselves.

My son, John and I were discussing those difficult times on the phone the other day. He reminded me that through all that ugliness, we were never without food or shelter. My pride was seriously bruised. I wanted to run....move far away and start over. My husband saw it differently. H e felt it was an opportunity to stay put and prove our integrity to our community. He was right, of course.

I learned not to point fingers. We as observers never know all the factors involved in another's misfortune. Hopefully, we all will have learned a few lessons from the hardships some of us are experiencing. So to any that find facing the future with less security, be reminded that you don't know the future but you know Who holds the future.