Bad Memories

Our daughter Sherri called yesterday and demanded I call the cardiologist and see if he got a report from the kidney test I had. It was four in the afternoon and she said with vigor, "Mom, you need to call that office right now, I'm hanging up and you are calling." So, chicken that I am, asked Ken to call for the report. The report was received with joy as it showed my kidneys to be of normal size and general normalcy. That was a huge relief. Now, I'm left with the original problem of not being able to take the amount of diuretic that my body is used to. My appointment is at least a week away. I'm very tired of feeling bloated (and looking bloated). My husband assures me they will get it figured out. I'm hanging on to the healing promises the Lord gives me in His Word. I've been around this mountain many times and still find myself freaking out with fear and worry. I'm really sorry that those feelings come out; I feel so weak .......yesterday, I tried to figure out the source and origin of that fear. The only thing I can think of was what I experienced when I was five years old. My dad had a cerebral hemorrhage in my parent's bedroom one night. I recall my mother giving him a clothes pin to chew on so that he wouldn't swallow his tongue. I remember seeing blood coming from either his nose or mouth. We didn't have a phone at that time so my mother, feeling helpless, stood at the back door of our house yelling the neighbor's name. The neighbor lived at least the distance of a block away. The neighbor didn't hear her pleas for help but a man named Ed De Vries :) had met a car driven by a neighbor of his and they were parked in the middle of the gravel road chatting. People did that a lot when I was a kid, they didn't have the hurry we have today. They heard my mom's plea and Ed and his wife came over. Ed went to get word to the ambulance driver to come and then went to my dad's family home to alert his parents. Soon my mother's parents (who lived in the next house on the west side of our house) turned up as well. The ambulance came and took my daddy away. He had come home about a year and a half before from World War II. We weren't ready to have him gone again. I remember the quiet somber mood in the living room with my four grandparents. It was such a frightening time for me as well as for everyone else. I recall my mother telling someone within my earshot that a nurse had talked my dad through the night telling him to fight for life. My parents were acquainted with a couple a bit older than they whose seventeen year old daughter was also in the hospital. I walked into her room with my mom and the father was sitting in the corner of the room with a five year old daughter and a four year old daughter each on one of his knees. That five year old girl eventually became my bosom buddy at De Motte Christian School. She is one of my favorite people to this day. The outcome for their family was different than ours. My dad recovered, but Alisha died. Another horrid memory for this little girl called Gayle. My dad came home from the hospital in the same ambulance that took him. He was terribly weak and couldn't stand on his own. The ambulance parked at our front door (which was without stairs at that point). I recall with pure fondness my Grandpa saying to his son as he helped get his gurney through the door, "Put your arms around my neck, Jimmy, and hang on." It makes me weep all over again. Those were such tender words from the father to the son. It was the only time I recall hearing either of my dad's parents call him Jimmy. He was always Jim, which was a much better name for a man that at most times in his life was strong and self sufficient. Once home, my dad's job was to get stronger. The doctor told my mother to feed him an eggnog a day. Those were the days we whisked a raw egg, put in a cup of milk, a couple of tablespoons of sugar and a teaspoon of vanilla. Today we are warned not to eat fresh raw eggs. I do recall enjoying those eggnogs so much...they were delicious. Evidently they were nutritous as well. My dad recovered and is now 88 years old.

So that was what came to me when I explored why illness makes me so uneasy. I don't know if it has any bearing on my discomfort but that is the first time I remember experiencing those feelings of fear and dread. Lord Jesus, I invite you to go to that place in my memory bank and touch them with your healing.

The Party Continued Today

Yesterday after I posted I thought to myself, "did I write Christmas 2009 on that blog? It is only 2008." So I just checked and yes I had made that error. I guess I'm rushing the years and I certainly don't wish to do that.

Joshua and Susan's family and Kendra and Craig all stayed the night at Lauri's so the day after the party, we continued to party down. I think everyone was on their trip home by about two o'clock and I was spent. We so enjoyed our two days with the six of our kids that could attend. It is just wonderful to visit with adults who happen to have the same values you do. It always amazes me how it comes out somehow that the things we attempted to teach them, they really did grasp. I guess that is good news for those of you who have budding adults still under your roof. Makes one oh so grateful and just a little bit proud. Not a pride that is evil but one that gives one the feeling of fulfillment. The kind of thing that one can look at and say with conviction, God is faithful. He gets all the praise.

Adopting older children has been one of our experiences in life. Today, we sat around the kitchen table and talked real feelings about how it was when Joshua and Jennifer joined our family. We were under the impression these kids were coming from an orphanage just as our first adoption had been. When we got them we were told the mother had brought them to the orphanage the night before they flew out. They had not been prepared emotionally at all. They were sort of tricked into this flight by the promise of things that were not totally true. None of their four older brothers knew what their mother was doing. Obviously, the adjustment was totally huge. Today I got the chance to tell Joshua how we felt. I expressed that I was truly angry with this mother that I did not know who sent her 12 and 8 year old to us in America to a strange culture and family. I told him that I had a tough time figuring God's will out at that time. I still don't get it, but we were true to our committment to love them and rear them in the ways of the Lord. And love them we do....dearly.....and they us. So for whatever reason, God had a plan.

All this came up because one of the older brothers sent his eleven year old son to Chicago the middle of December. It is his winter break (two months). The poor little kid is struggling with homesickness. Jennifer told me she just didn't understand his tears. I looked at her like she was from out of space. When I asked if she didn't remember all the nights I sat by her bedside, holding her, comforting her and crying with her, she responded that she has no recollection of that memory. Isn't it a grace of God that that pain she felt was lifted out of her memory bank?

Jun Soeng came to our family celebration yesterday. He is a delightful boy, very cute and very social. At one point, I turned around to see that he had gone over to our little 11 month old Emerson and picked her up and sat down on the sofa to love over her. It was just precious. He also got along with all the big kids by whooping them in video games and just having plain fun.

It is just amazing to me that God would bring all of this family connection full circle. The mother I had no love for years ago has been a guest in our home. She loves the Lord and I have to believe that she has grown in the thirty years we have had the kids. Now we have one of her grandchildren at our family gathering and everybody was doing their utmost to make him feel accepted and loved. It doesn't take much for me to look at a Korean face and adore it but it thrilled me to see all our grandchildren hovering around this person that arrived as stranger and left as friend.

Today was going to be the day we were going to get results from my tests. Nada. We can't get into the specialist until January 7th. Not exactly sure what steps we will take next but I have to believe that God is going before me and has everything in His control. Just a bit confused.

The De Vries Family Christmas 2008

Tomorrow is the day our children and grandchildren come to celebrate Christmas. My gracious daughter, Lauri, offered to have it at her house. I don't think I could pull that off right now. Six of our eight children will be attend and with their children the count goes up. Most are coming in tonight as to avoid sleek roads in the morning.

I had decided that I would make a run to Costco and buy my contributions. I haven't been out of the house in quite some time so I knew it was a stretch. When I told Lauri of my intentions she asked if I wanted her to come along. I wouldn't have asked her because she has all her family home today but her husband said he would man the fort while we were gone.

We had a grand time buying things for our party. Our noon lunch will consist of appetizers of all sorts so we bought a variety. As we pulled away with our Durango full, Lauri said, "Wow, we got alot done and it isn't even one o'clock in the afternoon." We chuckled as we talked about the pumpkin pie and the cheesecake all ready to serve. We also got a box of their mini brownies which are delicious. A big veggie tray is ready to set on the table. Some puff pastry looks wonderful. To say that everything there is expensive is a given but on the other hand, when it is ready to go on the table, it is worth a whole lot more than buying the ingredients and then having make or bake it. To say I am thankful for Costco today is an understatement. I feel like my contributions will be beautiful and delicious.

The food is important but the love that is shared is the frosting on the cake of family togetherness. The Lord has blessed us immeasureably.

One more thing. Today is our eldest son's birthday. I recall the year he was born, it was rainy and flooding, not much different than today. His grandfather, Ken's dad, was popping his pride buttons because we named the baby boy, John, after him. I have always loved that name, even as a kid. My next door neighbor boy was a John and he was so tender and wonderful. It took no sacrifice on my part to name our baby, John. I still love the name but I love the son even more. Congratulations, John. Your dad and I are proud to call you our son.

The Day After Christmas

Christmas 2009 has come and gone. Just like that. This year, I barely noticed it. I didn't shop the whole month of December. I think I went with Lauri sometime soon after Thanksgiving Day and that is the last time I've been in a store. I could have cared less. I think that I have said before in this space that the economic down turn gave me total permission to cut back and remember that less is more. When I look at my bulging closet, I am ashamed. Such ridiculousness to have all that clothes. When I get a chance, I must clean that out. There isn't another pretty thing that I need or desire. Is there something any of us really needed? We got a couple of boxes from our Florida son the other day. One had my name and one had Ken's. Ken's was a navigation device. Now he really needed that. Naw, but he will put that to good use, it is true. Last summer we used a friend's while we traveled to the southwest. It was really handy. Isaiah was with us and had it figured out in minutes, I'm not sure if we would have figured it out at all. In my box was a portable hard drive. Now I'm not sure I know exactly what to do with that but my kids assure me I will figure it out and that I will really like it. Very nice gifts indeed. We were grateful.



Christmas eve and most of Christmas day were quiet for us. Christmas morning we watched Isaiah open his gifts. From our daughter, her friend that also lives here and Isaiah we received a portable cooler that plugs into the power source in the car. Pretty clever. Then the familiy went off to church. Later we went to our daughter, Lauri and Elton's house for dinner around four o'clock. We had a delicious Christmas meal. We also got to witness all the kid's loot. Every grandchild came to us to display the latest acquirement. They were excited as well they should be. They, too, are tremendously blessed.



I still know nothing about my test results. On Monday we were told they would need a day or two. Wellllllll, it is long past that. I can think of two options. One would be that whatever the tests show it doesn't require an emergency treatment or I could believe that doctors take holidays and the days prior and after off and don't really care what happens to their patients. When we learned this morning that it will be Monday before we learn anything I threw my hands up and said, "Well, Lord, I guess you have a few more days to heal me before I go in to see the specialist". I am feeling some better so that makes life a bit more pleasant. Still the unknown is a factor. Continue to pray that God is restoring my health to the law of health he placed in me at birth. Jesus is the best specialist in any field.



A friend just called to tell me about a sale she found at Walmart. Yes, normally, I would be out there pounding the pavement, too. In fact, this is the friend that I almost had to beg to go shopping on Black Friday last year. She found the crowds so intimidating. Her peach of a husband came along. We had a system down. We would go around and gather what we wanted to purchase and then bring it to him who was already standing in the mile long line. As the line inched ahead, he would kind of push the merchandise along. By the time we were finished shopping a particular store, Jim was fairly close to the head of the line. What a patient man. Makes me laugh all over again to envision that scene. We certainly had a good time. Friends are the best. We are blessed with many of them.

Wholesome Thoughts and Words

Good Afternoon.....

This morning I got it together and wrapped the gifts I purchased for the younger grandchildren. Yesterday I put a little cash in money holders for the bigger kids. I've come to the place in life where giving them money is far more wise than trying to buy a gift they won't really use or don't really need. Little kids are thrilled with anything. So, I am ready for Sunday as far as gifts are concerned.

All of my life I have fought off thinking dark gloomy thoughts when ever I am sick. I know that it is no fun to be around me at those times. I turned on the television this morning and James Robison had a guest brain specialist who also is a Christian. Her message hit me square between the eyeballs. I simply don't trust my Lord. Yes in many ways I do but in this area of life...I simply don't. She talked about how the body (Christ's temple) goes into healing mode when we think the thoughts of Christ who in Phillipians tells us to think on these things; things that are wholesome, pure, of good report etc. I was taken to task by Jesus. I knelt on my knees this morning and gave Him my body. Strange isn't it? He gives us His broken body for our healing and we hang on for dear life thinking that if we try to protect our bodies or heal ourselves we are better off. How stupid. After hearing that gal, I decided to change my day. I will have a good one because God has gone before me and made my way smooth.

6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.


Then shortly after that show, Joyce Meyer came on with Dr Paul Meier. Guess what their topic was? Attitude and changing ones mind. Oh, by the way, the former speaker said one can turn their attitude and thoughts around in four days. God give me the strength, peace and comfort to stick with your will. Dr. Meier said to wear a rubber band and each time you think or say a negative thought, snap it. I am wearing a rubber band. I've snapped it twice today so far.

No Cards This Year

I apologize for not getting cards out this season. Just don't have the spirit right now. Just surviving is an effort. BUT, I have enjoyed all the cards we have received and so many of them are picture cards. I don't recall a year in which so many pictures have arrived. I love those. Thanks Hoosier Mama, I felt honored to receive the picture of your beautiful family. Enjoy these moments.....it is the best time of your life. I remember when people told me that when our children were teens and young adults and I would have told them they were crazy. But, it truly was such a neat time in the life of our family. There are certainly many challenges that raise their ugly head but for the most part it is a sweet time to watch one's children grow into adults.

I am scheduled for a renal ultrasound on Monday morning. There is certainly a problem and I see no resolution. God has to have one for me. It is so difficult to trust at a time like this. I don't know what I would do with out my husband, kids and friends. Ken has been an absolute rock. My kids are concerned and suportive, too. My friend Joyce, came today for a few hours and passed the time away as well as kept my mind off my self for the most part. No matter how I will not to worry, I still do it. At one point today, I audibly addressed God and said, " I simply cannot give all this to you....I don't have what it takes to do that.....but I know that your spirit does have the power to help me and I'm relying on You. Please pray that God will zero through my doubt and fears and surprise me with His grace and mercy.

Storms and Accidents

Last year as we came home from Phoenix, we drove for over a hundred miles where an ice storm snapped limbs off trees. We couldn't believe the damage. Now we have an ice storm or snow storm coming our way. I would prefer the snow storm though the ice storm could be exciting. All our trees snapped? Naw, lets just settle for the snow. I guess we aren't in control of what we get but we sure can ask the Father to spare us and our trees.

Trees are nothing compared to the safety of human life. One of the men from our church was in an accident yesterday. He called his wife and told her he had been in an accident and that he was hurt. About that point his phone disconnected and the poor wife knew nothing more for an hour and a half. What agony must have gone on in her mind and heart. This couple's only child is a student at Dordt College and wants to get home as soon as possible for the sake of her parents. An uncle was put in charge of asking her to stay put until this storm is past. I can't imagine the parent's stress if that girl starts out on Route 80 to come home during the storm. The uncle has a persuasive manner and is the best candidate to make sure she stays put. The injured father will have surgery today to fix multiple fractures in his pelvis. Interestingly, they are finding joy in the fact that his air bag kept his head from serious injury.

Trying to Hear God

Resolving health issues is such a long and drawn out process these days. I went to the doctor's office for the blood test I was supposed to have drawn today. Now I sit and wait again. Will the numbers still be up? Will they be down? Only God knows. He is certainly testing my faith this time. Last night I had a melt down. We were going to bed and I couldn't lie comfortably because my shoulder muscle is tense and achy because of stress. You would think I had the strength to overcome that but it tenses up every once in a while and more at the end of the day when there has been no obvious progress. When I found no comfortable position I got up and went for the recliner in the family room. It wasn't comfortable either so I switched to the sofa. I started to feel like Goldilocks. By that time I had myself in a state of self pity and panic. I had my daughter call my husband from our bed upstairs. He came down and I melted in his arms with tears and all. Poor guy. Didn't know what hit him. He said he was going to get me something for pain so soon he came with some Tylenol. We both made our way back upstairs and into bed. I was beginning to calm down. The Tylenol kicked in and somewhere along the line, I fell asleep. When I woke very early this morning, the pain was gone for the time being and I was so relaxed. I told Ken I wish I could sleep 24/7 right now until I know what is going to happen with my body. He told me I was listening to the devil. So true. God is my healer and there is nothing more I can do until the healing is complete.

Continue to pray for me. Thanks.

Challenges on Everyside

This morning was spent in conversation. With many people. Firstly, a wonderful lady from our church came for Bible study. We enjoyed learning more about the Holy Spirit. The rest of this morning was spent on the phone. People calling to check on my progress. I don't think this thing has turned around yet but I do feel better than I did yesterday. It is so difficult for me to divide the physical from the emotional. The unknown carries with it a lot of fear. That is where I'm at. I don't know how we can accomplish opposing goals. My counselor friend told me that when we have come to an impasse, we have to have faith in a God that sees many more options than what we see. There is solution.....God just hasn't revealed it yet. Continue to pray for me, please.

My daughter called from Chicago. She had gotten her biological nephew from the airport yesterday. He is all of eleven years old and Jennifer's Korean brother wanted to send the young man here to learn the language and the culture. You have to know Jennifer in order to understand what a stretch this is for her. She is in midlife and has not had chick or child to be responsible for. Her call was more like a plea, "Mom, what do I do?" I asked what the problem was. She said it is eleven o'clock and he is still sleeping. I told her that was completely expected since he is adjusting to the huge change of time plus he is exhausted from the trip. I think they call that "jet lag". I told her to expect adjustment to take three or four days and up to a week. She wasn't real happy with that forecast. We decided to wait until noon and then she should awaken him and explain that he needs to be up awhile today so that he can sleep tonight. I called her back around one o'clock and all was well. The little guy had awakened and eaten some lunch. Now she was teaching him Suduko. I think Jennifer is a bit overwhelmed at this point but enjoying it all at the same time. She still hasn't figured out how she is going to go to work. Jennifer's bio brother who is also our son is in Cancun right now and won't return until next week. I have a feeling Jennifer will be more than happy to bring the little kid to her brother. At least Joshua's wife doesn't work out of the house so there would be someone there to care for him. All in all, this two month visit could get to be rather long. I'm also wondering how long it will be before the nephew gets homesick. Ach....we will see.

C_O_L_D

Brrrrrrr. Fifty degrees yesterday and one degree this morning. Talk about cold. I had to go out this morning and help my husband line up the Durango to Peggy Sue. She is to get new brakes this morning. So I had to brave the frigid cold for a few minutes. Fortunately, the hitching up went well and I didn't have to stand out there too long.

The phone rang early today and I told Ken just to let it ring. I shouldn't have done that but I thought it was school asking me to work today and I wasn't interested. A few minutes later, my daughter came into our room and said there was a two hour school delay. A short time later the phone rang again and it was the welcomed news that school is cancelled for today. I say "welcomed news" because all my grandchildren that go to school here had merriment on their faces when they learned they could veg out today. They won't be quite so excited when they have to make it up in the spring.

I can feel the outside cold as I sit here. My hands are freezing...I think it is time to turn up the heat a bit. You folks that live in warmer climates are blessed. I hate these cold days. If it wasn't for the relationship we have with the people in this area we would be out of here. But how does one leave their parents when they are elderly? How does one leave all the networking that has been built over the years? Because we have lived here for years, we know whom to go to with our taxes, who the best mechanics are, who is honest and who is not. The list could go on and on. There are advantages to living in one community for a life time.

God tells us in his word that the very place we live has been ordained by Him. How then do I dare to complain?

In Need of Your Care

It gets dark so early these days. It's kind of depressing. Light means the world to me. The lighter the better. I suppose that translates to my spiritual life, too. When we live near to The Light (Jesus) we are all the better for it. Do you ever have dark times in your spiritual life? Dark spiritual times for me equate with illness. Most other things I handle fairly well. Sickness and feeling close to Jesus do not equate in my brain or my heart. I'm not proud to admit that but it seems to be true over and over in my life. It started very young and while we have explored the cause of such, we can't put a finger on it.



My biggest effort today is to capture every thought and hand it to Jesus. NOT EASY. When ever I have a health issue, I go bananas. When I went to my cardiologist appointment mid November, everything looked great. He had me take a blood test as routine. I was called two days later that my kidney numbers were up and that I had to cut my diuretic in half and then have another blood test in three weeks. That I did feeling fully confident that my kidney numbers would have gone down. Not so, they went up more. That produced a panicy feeling. The advice was to cut all diuretic completely. Having been on that drug for eight years, taking it all away makes me very uneasy. I am to have another blood test the middle of next week. The time in between has left me frightened. I have all kinds of "what if" questions. When I have those kinds of questions my mind runs a million miles an hour.



SO, to all of you who share my life through this blog, I have a request. Please pray for relief from worry. Ask God to blanket me in His love and care. Also ask that my flesh will line up with His will and trust Him. I am open to your comfort and encouragement. If there is any issue in which my weaknesses show up it is health issues.

Scrooge Finally Rubbed Off on Me

I finally got out a bit today even though it is cold, cold, cold. I went to see my father and his wife for a little while. If I had done what I would like to have done, I would be in bed sleeping. I've had a few things going on with my health and that has really knocked the soup out of me. I have no desire to do anything. There are no Christmas decorations in my house. Usually, we are decked out for fair but this year we plan to leave for Arizona, God willing, the 29th so I decided I would forego decor this year. I'm not sure that is a good thing for my daughter and grandson but they haven't said a word so perhaps they don't miss it. Ken has been Scrooge about decorations our whole married life so he doesn't notice and doesn't care. I don't have the energy to put up and take down all within a few weeks.



My brother turned up at my dad's house about the same time I did so we had a nice time visiting with Dad and Mary. Normally, I am the one that has our Christmas get together.
Today, my dad asked if we were going to get together yet before they leave for Florida. I said something to the effect that there is nothing that speaks of Christmas at my house. My brother piped up and said, "We have a tree up so will have it at our house". I told him that was a deal. This year, I'm happy to have other people do the entertaining. Perhaps next Christmas I will be my old self. I hope so and pray that will be the case.

Peggy Sue Gets Packed

We had to hitch up Peggy Sue this morning. No, Peggy Sue isn't our horse and we aren't Amish. That is a fact for which I am particularly happy with in this cold weather. Peggy Sue is our little silver bullet trailer. She needed some wheel bearing packing? Who knows what that means? Certainly not me. So my first order of business today was to guide Ken as he backed up the Durango so he could hitch up to Peggy. It went very well and I was thankful for that, too, since it was cold enough out there to freeze spit before it hit the ground. Off they went, my man and Peggy Sue. They are home now and the wheel bearings have been packed. There is a need for new brakes, though. They are on order. Ken went to the auto parts store and lo and behold they had a book on the parts of an Avion trailer. They took a picture of the part and matched it up. Hopefully, it will be just the right one. It isn't easy to find parts for something almost forty years old. That old gal certainly has had a make over. I hope she feels good about it. We know that we do.

Crooks and a Hero

Well, well. Another Chicago crook. How could it be? Of course, the governor is innocent until proven guilty but it looks like he has a whole lot of stuff to explain. One wonders how many politicians his fall from grace will effect. I'm afraid we will see them fall like dominos. And if they are crooked, they need to fall. I wouldn't want to be Obama at this point either. Even if he has had no dealings with any of the corruption, it was his seat in senate that was up for bid and it was his local political party in which all this is going on. Doesn't it make one sick when one thinks of how we try so hard to vote for the right people and then once elected, find they use their position of power to their own advantage? I'm sure the people that voted for the governor of Illinois feel betrayed.



It feels to me like God is mixing and stirring among us. Everywhere we look, something is in shambles. The economy, the car companies, the real estate, the mortgage brokers.......the politicians. Today our government will attempt to pull the automakers buisness out of the pit. We've already put in place big money for homeowners. What is next? And where are we getting all this money. How many trillion are we in debt? I don't get it. For years I could not understand people of other countries disliking us. I'm beginning to see their point. We are self indulgent and greedy. We have given our very souls for more and more matierial goods.

God save us. God forgive us. God revive us!

And then there is the pitiful young Korean man in California whose home was crashed into by a plane and as a result his wife, mother in law and two babies were killed. There this man stood in front of the whole world and said he was trying to forgive the pilot. What a witness. We need to lift him to the Lord for comfort. I can't imagine his grief. As he walked away from the cameras, other men had to help him walk or he would surely have ended up in a heap on the ground. Oh dear God.....bless that dear man with your unexplainable comfort.

God is In Control of Cars and the Nations

As I awoke this morning a strange sound was unidentifiable. I knew the wind was whipping around but thought there was more to it than that. Oh, it is raining. Better than snow. Perhaps it will clean the snow off the ground and off the roads. Last evening we had a women's retreat meeting. As we dispersed another member and I were driving our cars out of the subdivision where we had met. Everything was going along just fine. We climbed a hill and made a turn all at the same time. Over the crest of the hill the road was a sheet of ice. I saw my friend frantically trying to get control of her vehicle.....at that point I, too, was on a path to destruction. I started pumping my breaks (old habit, can't get used to the new kinds of breaks which my vehicle has) and when that wasn't helping I drove off the road into an empty lot. My friend had success in the same way and we ended up safe and unharmed. For a moment I felt as if we were going to tangle. How quickly we are reminded that we are at the Lord's mercy everyday of our lives and every moment of every day. I give the Lord thanks for pulling both of us out of that unexpected moment.



This is the kind of morning that speaks climbing back into bed. I am a morning person but this gloomy morning is tempting even me. Good thing I put the sheets in the washer. That takes care of the temptation. I think. I hope.



I just checked the world news. I'm telling you, if one didn't believe God is sovereign, one could be so chagrined. It is crazy out there...even Canada is trying to get their prime minister out of power. People around the world hold their leaders accountable for a nation's trouble. I suppose there is an element of truth to that. However, often times the troubles we as nations encounter are long in coming and can be attributed to unwise decisions on the part of many. When I read that this part of the world or that part of the world is up against a bad economy, I feel a bit guilty. It feels to me like the world has been following the leader (we the richest nation in the world) right into economic failure. So then who is accountable for that? I would have to say, we are all guilty. We are guilty of greed, which is sin. For as long as I can remember, the goal of most families has been "more". I am no less guilty than anyone else. I would challenge anyone to defend their innocence. We are in a sorry mess. How is this going to affect our children and grandchildren? Frightening. I'm grateful I know that God is in control. Aren't you?

The Concert is Successful

Larnelle Harris has come and gone. It was an interesting experience to sing in a choir for such a professional. I got the feeling Larnelle was a bit less than personable. I may be wrong but it was the impression he left with me. He was all business and short on the interaction. On the other hand, his pianist, Simeon was absolutely a people person. He just dripped his social little self in every move. He had a joke or encouraging word for everyone. Ken and I were discussing this very thing this morning and we talked about God's grace in that situation. Larnelle has talent and then some and while Simeon is also very talented, he excels in PR. Larnelle needs Simeon. I guess Simeon needs Larnelle also....how many pianist do we know that have a one man act? Not many. I heard from people at church this morning that the concert was spectacular. It is a judgement not easily made when one was involved. I couldn't hear what Larnelle was saying most of the time....there was a speaker just to my left and I heard that very well but that was mainly music. I know many people invested time and hard cash into last night and for them I am very grateful. Already people are asking who we will get to put on a concert the next time. I say we invite Sandy Patti. After all, she is a Hoosier.

Sinus Problems

Today is a big day for our church. Larnelle Harris in person. Ken and I are both in the back up choir. I woke up today with gooo covering my vocal chords. This sinus thing has gone on too long. I think this makes about six or seven weeks. Gets a bit better and then gets worse again. I called the doctor this morning just to run it all by him one more time. Some things have changed and I just want him brought up to speed so he can make the closest recommendations. They are in every other Saturday morning so I called hoping this was the Saturday and it is. They are booked, of course but the girl at he desk said she would talk with him and see if they could squeeze me in. We will see. I don't suppose I'd be so concerned about it if I didn't have to sing. Kind of hard to make a pleasant sound this way. I gargled with salt water and sniffed some into my sinusses. Too much information? You bet. I'm sorry but is just the way it is. Not a pretty sight.

I think this is going to be a two paragraph day. I have been doing nothing to speak of and have nothing inspirational jumping out of me. Beside that, it is past time for a shower. Blessing on your day.

The End is in Sight

We are in a big deep freeze. The temps are lower today than yesterday. Winter starts the 21st of December and here it is the 5th and we have had quite a bit of winter weather already. As long as I can stay tucked indoors I'm okay with it. Fighting it is another matter all together. I hear the furnace running most of the time. I have visions of dollar bills dancing in my head and watch as they float out the door and windows. Two weeks ago, a new attendee at our church gave his testimony. He told of his experiences last winter when he had lost his job. He didn't turn on the heat to save debt from something he had no money for which to pay. There were times that the temp in his house was in the twenties. His real point was that it was then that he met some young guys from our church who invited him to church and he began to attend. One of the church families has him for lunch nearly every Sunday. Otis has grown by leaps and bounds in his spiritual life. His tough existence brought him to seek the important things in life. It was a heart warming testimony.

I'm sitting at my computer desk looking over at the table that sets here in the family room. It is strewn with papers and books. It is our daughter's desk, I guess. She has only two weeks to go before she has her four year degree in business. Her completion in this quest has been long in coming and we are proud of her for keeping her goal before her. There has been wavering over the years but the end is now in sight. I can't wait until we can dump all the papers and books into the refuse and get some semblance of order here again. I'm sure she looks forward to not having home work to do in between work and being a single mom. When I asked her about it she said she doesn't know what she will do with her time when she finishes. I'm sure she will figure it out. First order of business will be to look for a job in her field. We pray she will be successful in that effort so she can afford to have a life of her own.

Dreaming of the Sunny South

Not sure what happened to the forecast for snow....we didn't get any and the sun is shining brightly. The furnace has been running like crazy so the sunshine is belying the temperature. I hear it was in the teens this morning. I'll stay tucked in today as long as I can do it.

It is this time of year I ask the question, "Why did my ancestors decide to settle in the cold north?" I can hear them fuss at me and remind me that I'm from tough Dutch stock and a little cold never hurt anyone. Well, I hate it. One of my best friends is on her way to the south of Texas where she and her husband enjoy an escape from this kind of weather. I'm envious. I hope one day, Ken and I can stay in the south long enough to escape the cold also. So far, the best we can do is three to four weeks and while I'm delighted with that, all winter would be oh so nice. We are so fortunate that our daughter and her husband and kids live in Phoenix. That gives us a perfect excuse and also a wonderful place to park our Peggy Sue. This will be our first time to stay in the trailer. Last winter, we pulled it from Memphis to Phoenix to have warm weather in which to work on her. She has been "worked on " ever sense. The lady that we hired to do the seamstress work ended up having serious surgery mid task so all the cushion covering and curtains are not totally complete. I'm hoping she will have most of it complete by the time we leave. What is finished looks very nice so we have an idea of what it will look like totally complete. Can't wait.

I'll spend the day dreaming about sitting outside of Peggy Sue in Phoenix soaking in the warm rays.

A Failed Test

After several evenings of door bell ringing, last night peace was restored. The little kid that wrote naughty words in the snow and did most of the ringing did not come to see me yesterday. Big surprise. It is pretty obvious his friend got to him with a big message. Mrs. De Vries is on to our shenanigans so we better stop the goofy stuff. It was nice to know that last night the kids weren't lurking around our family room windows as their footsteps in the snow revealed the night before.

Yesterday, I went to Merrillville to search for a white top to wear in the Larnelle Harris choir Saturday night. Once the search was successful, I visited Penneys for a new coffee pot and then went to Hobby Lobby. I had something significant in mind for our friends whose daughter just died of a heart attack. As I searched the millions of ornaments a lady came by and said, "Just buy them all, they would all make your tree look beautiful". We struck up a conversation and I told her what I was looking for seeking some wonderful idea from her. Wow...did I get fooled. I soon learned that she believed that we come back several times in our qwest to attain enough knowledge to "get into the pearly gates". She spent some time trying to teach me that it was the only thing that made sense so that is why she chose to believe those things because belief was the only thing that mattered.

I stood there making a few comments such as, "Well then, what is your absolute?" She admitted she had gotten this belief from an Indian holy book but she didn't believe in their Allah but believed in Jesus Christ. Oh my. I decided in the secret thoughts of my mind that this lady had made herself God. She had picked and chosen things from different religions and come up with her own. I shared that the Bible is my absolute and it doesn't have to make sense to me because God tells us that His thoughts are higher than our thoughts and His ways are higher than our ways. Because of this, I trust Him with all those things I can't understand. When our brief time of interaction came to a close, she said, "well, I hope to see you on the other side". I calmly said, "I know I will be there". Then I put my arm around her and said, "I would just love to sit down and talk with you sometime."

I felt as if I had failed the test. It brought to mind a lady I know that can turn one of those situations into a salvation on the spot. It seems God places her near people on a plane or in a doctor's office who are ready to bow the knee. Or is it that she has a special gift and knows where to go in those times. I could hear in my head Peter telling me to be ready to give account to what Christ has done for me. I really was trying. Oh Lord, reach down and through another of your servants, open the book of life to that woman.

Ringing Bells

Bell ringers.....we see a lot of them these days. I always feel so confounded guilty when I go by a red kettle and don't drop something into it. But....when shopping...one goes from store to store and there are kettles everywhere. The last time I was at the shopping area in Merrillville I threw money in the first kettle I saw. There are good bell ringers and poor ones. The poor ones stand ringing the bell, that is all. The good ones........many of those of African American descent....not only ring the bell but interact with the people. "Good morning.....God bless you....Enjoy a blessed Christmas" and on and on. How can one turn down those beautiful bright smiles and kind words. Pretty soon, I started to say, "I have already given today". The response is usually gracious but I can just feel them wonder, "Is she scamming me or what?" So, today I am going to Merrillville. I think I'll take a roll of quarters and then I can put a handful in my pocket and drop some in each kettle. Good idea, Gayle.

We are frustrated with another type of bell ringing at our house. We have been plagued with ring bys. Not drive bys but ring bys. Someone is coming into our yard after dark...runs past our front door and gives the door bell a couple of good pushes and then runs away. Our front door bell rarely rings and when it does it is usually the Fed Ex man or the UPS man. Most family and friends don't ring the bell, they usually just allow themselves in. So, when we are trying to relax during an evening, we are running to the door in response to the ring of interruption. Last evening it was three times. I was gone the second and third time but I was told that Isaiah ran out into the yard the third time and found the neighbor boys outside and in our yard. They claimed they were also trying to catch the ringer of bells. We suspect it was those boys. Now, my dilemma. Do I call the parents there and ask if our suspicions could be correct or do I wait it out in hopes of catching them red handed. I don't want to cause any trouble but I am sick of running to the door. The other troublesome thing is that we live in a bi-level and our family room windows are sidewalk high. That means that they can be watching us sit in our easy chairs. That doesn't feel real good either. Last night we resorted to closing the blinds in a way that is impossible to see through. Kinda gives one the hibby jibbies.

Not sure what my course of action or nonaction will be. It sure would be great fun to be hiding out somewhere that I could grab a kid in action. I wonder if that could land me in legal trouble? Oh well, it would be worth the fun. I even thought of standing somewhere with a gun in my hand. Really I did. We don't have one other than an old rifle that is forty years old and was a gift to Ken one Christmas from my parents. That may look a bit McCoyish. All kinds of thoughts of grandeur have passed through this messed up head. Just because of the breach of peace in my own home.

I'll let you in on how it all turns out. Probably won't be as exciting as it could be.



Update....when I walked into the sun room a few minutes ago, I heard the homeschoolers from next door outside playing in the snow. I opened a window and yelled a boy's name. I couldn't see him very clearly but he stopped and said, "Me?" I said are you Gregory? Yes....okay then I'd like you to meet me at my back door. He dutifully tromped through the snow and came up our back stairs. I invited him in to stand on the rug. Just the cutest kid. I asked, "Gregory, are you our culprit?" Without skipping a beat he asked, "For ringing your bell or writing the bad words in the snow?" I answered that I wondered about both things. He said, "I didn't write the words in the snow". But did you ring the bell? Yes, once. He gave me the name of a friend who was the bigger culprit. I told Greg that I wouldn't tell his parents because he had been honest with me by admitting his guilt. But, Greg has to see that the friend visits me tonight after school. Even though I had visions of justice, I just melt when I'm with kids, even naughty kids. My punishment for him was not the sight of a gun but a big hug as he left the house. I guess that would be a lot closer to the mind of Christ, eh?

Help, Lord

Last night I lay in my bed with the television on trying to get a grip. I've had a terrible time with keeping my emotions in check lately. I don't know about anyone else but if something bothers me it can actually cause me to become immobile. I am not proud of this tendency in me. In fact it takes a bit of courage to allow you in on my weaknesses. This doesn't come on me all of a sudden.....just kind of sneaks up on me and then strangles me. I hate it. I can be going along in life full steam ahead and accomplishing the world and then suddenly, it is like I am struck down. The things that I have been doing are good and noble things. It isn't like I'm off doing something frivilous. One day it is one thing I'm involved in and the next it is another. Most of those things are things I'm doing for the Kingdom. You know the one. The kingdom of God. Can't we just find all kinds of things to do for the Kingdom? I love the things I'm doing. I love the way I have seen God's hand in it all. Even yesterday morning after church I was so encouraged by something a young friend of mine told me. I could have done a happy dance right there in the restroom. God is good.

So then how does one explain where I am today and where I have been for the last week? I listened to a favorite priest of mine (no, I'm not Catholic but I sure do enjoy some of the teachings of certain priest that I consider right on the money). He told of something one of his superiors told him that shook him to the core. It was...."I want you to be so small the devil can't find you." I shed a few tears in the bed all by my lonesome. Yes, Lord...more of you and less of me. When I get over involved, I start to do it in my own strength. I need to stop and remember that I simply can't be all things to all people. Doesn't work. I get strung out to dry. Then the priest said something that I have been learning as well. He said the older he gets the more he realizes he doesn't have what it takes to speak the truth of God or teach people but that when he shows up where God wants him, the Holy Spirit shows up, too, and fills him with the truth God wants him to share.

When I think of the challenges ahead of me in the next few months, I get overwhelmed. Oh God, let your truth soak into my core and help me realize that you don't expect me to do all these things in my strength but in yours. Holy Spirit, saturate every cell of my being and put me in a state of Sabboth rest. I am so desperately needy.