Help, Lord

Last night I lay in my bed with the television on trying to get a grip. I've had a terrible time with keeping my emotions in check lately. I don't know about anyone else but if something bothers me it can actually cause me to become immobile. I am not proud of this tendency in me. In fact it takes a bit of courage to allow you in on my weaknesses. This doesn't come on me all of a sudden.....just kind of sneaks up on me and then strangles me. I hate it. I can be going along in life full steam ahead and accomplishing the world and then suddenly, it is like I am struck down. The things that I have been doing are good and noble things. It isn't like I'm off doing something frivilous. One day it is one thing I'm involved in and the next it is another. Most of those things are things I'm doing for the Kingdom. You know the one. The kingdom of God. Can't we just find all kinds of things to do for the Kingdom? I love the things I'm doing. I love the way I have seen God's hand in it all. Even yesterday morning after church I was so encouraged by something a young friend of mine told me. I could have done a happy dance right there in the restroom. God is good.

So then how does one explain where I am today and where I have been for the last week? I listened to a favorite priest of mine (no, I'm not Catholic but I sure do enjoy some of the teachings of certain priest that I consider right on the money). He told of something one of his superiors told him that shook him to the core. It was...."I want you to be so small the devil can't find you." I shed a few tears in the bed all by my lonesome. Yes, Lord...more of you and less of me. When I get over involved, I start to do it in my own strength. I need to stop and remember that I simply can't be all things to all people. Doesn't work. I get strung out to dry. Then the priest said something that I have been learning as well. He said the older he gets the more he realizes he doesn't have what it takes to speak the truth of God or teach people but that when he shows up where God wants him, the Holy Spirit shows up, too, and fills him with the truth God wants him to share.

When I think of the challenges ahead of me in the next few months, I get overwhelmed. Oh God, let your truth soak into my core and help me realize that you don't expect me to do all these things in my strength but in yours. Holy Spirit, saturate every cell of my being and put me in a state of Sabboth rest. I am so desperately needy.