Lessons Learned and Learning

It was a very long day. Five hundred and sixty miles in all. Worth every mile. Leroy and Wilma didn't know we were coming so when we walked up to the door of her room #217, Leroy was busy talking to the room mate in the bed next to Wilma. One could see he was a bit taken back but jumped up and came to the door with arms extended. His first words was, "Oh you precious people came all that way to see Wilma". Then he quickly said rather quietly, "Now remember, Wilma doesn't respond in the same way she used to." I guess that was his way of conditioning us before we got to Wilma's side. Wilma by this point was lifting her head and saying, "Come a little closer, I can't see who you are." As I walked closer, she studied me until she suddenly blurted out, "Gayle". It was such a relief to have her recognize us without effort. Everything else for her is an effort. Her entire left side is immobile. It isn't paralysed as I thought, just doesn't respond to the brain order to move. Even when she laughs, which she did often while we were there, the left side of her face stays sober while the right side smiles. Each time she laughed I shot the Lord a message, "Lord you have said that laughter is good medicine. Please apply the laughter medicine liberally today and make her well again."

Eating is something very difficult for Wilma. It is an effort to bring the food to her mouth and it is an effort to chew it. She would prefer to pocket it in her cheek and leave it there. We talked about that some. I asked if they were giving her Ensure. She said they were and that she likes it at home but doesn't like it there. Leroy chuckled and said, "Well, at home I put ice cream in it and she laps it up quickly." I asked if they had requested that. Oh, no, Wilma said, they can't treat all of these patients with special requests. My thought was, "The fun they can't. Do you know how much is being paid to keep you here?" We did a little investigating and learned that she could have her own container of ice cream in a freezer there and Leroy could get some for her whenever she desired. Off we went to Kroger to get Wilma some ice cream. While butter pecan is her favorite, we felt vanilla was safer as there are no nuts to choke on. When we got back, the guys went hunting down some fresh coffee and I dished out the ice cream. Our little friend needed to have the ice cream fed to her, however, she scarfed it all down. She held her own coffee cup and it was obvious she was enjoying herself.

You know, Wilma and Leroy have no children that can plead their case or can make suggestions. I so wished they lived closer to us so we could flush out some of the problems and search for answers. I know their church people are wonderful to them but it is not the same as being family members who dare to take the bull by the horns. We aren't family members either, but I surely feel like one and conduct myself as one when we are together.

The rehab and nursing home Wilma is in is huge. The suffering that goes on there is also huge. We saw so much we would rather not see. TMI Too much information was the thought in my mind as I walked the halls. There were many tender sights I saw in the rehab section, though. Most of the folk in there are elderly. Many couples were walking the halls. One usually was in a wheel chair. While I walked the hall to a little alcove where the hall took an immediate left, I noticed a couple talking ever so quietly. She in a wheel chair and he on a love seat. He was bent way over into her hearing space and was sharing so tenderly with her. As I approached, he threw me a furtive glance that said, "This is a private conversation and we don't want to be interrupted." I walked by as quickly as I could. I thought about the lack of privacy in places like that. Each person has a roommate so there is never time alone with one's spouse. Even the couple at the end of the hall, could not find a place to be all alone. My heart wept for them. I know that in my busy household, there is a sense of relief when my husband and I walk into our bedroom at night and close the door. There is no need to lock it. Our family understands that one doesn't walk into our room when the door is closed. In that room, we share our deepest secrets, our greatest joys, our greatest fears and yes, sometimes, our deepest sorrows. At the end of the day in that room, we hug and kiss and reaffirm our love and committment to each other.

Another couple was walking past Wilma's room, the man pushing his wife in a wheel chair. They were both such attractive people. Both were pure white haired and he tall and straight as an arrow. As they walked by, she reached her hand over and up and placed it upon his hand. He lifted a finger or two and wrapped his around hers. She looked back at him and smiled a smile that he has probably treasured since their teen years. When she saw me watching, she gave the same "I got caught in the act" look that one gets when embarrassed. It was so tender and so precious. I just wanted to bawl.

Our experience yesterday was a good precursor to Thanksgiving Day. It was a reminder that life is swift and temporary. It was also a reminder to love one another with everyone one has for one never knows the future. When I awoke this morning, the prayer on my mind was, "Thank you Lord that I can get up under my own steam this morning. Thank you for the measure of health and strength that you so graciously give. Thank you for the people in my life that are faithful and sure. Thank you for your grace to endure to the end."