Life is a Progression of Lessons

Instead of sitting in my recliner evaluating the cost, I thought I'd put my thoughts in print. I do this with fear and tripidation as it is rather risky.

This morning I have been tidying up the place. The laundry, while as complete as it gets in a household of five, has been put away. When I carried clothing into my grandson's room, I was reminded that most of my peers live with their spouses in their homes. They know nothing of keeping a household of five. While the adult girls do some laundry, they don't help much with the rest of things. They work and go to college so there is little time left for the mundane. It falls to me. Now sometimes I can get my nose out of joint about that. Self pity attacks and I run through a time of resentment. But this morning, I counted the cost.

When we adopted our children, we were fully aware that those dear children of God would be wounded by the mere fact of their need for adoption. It was our belief that if we loved them enough, all their wounds would heal. We adopted our daughter when she was seven. During her growing up years past seven, I did my best to mold her God's way. I pushed and prodded. I even thought I could accomplish the goal with physical or verbal force. Gratefully, I realized some years ago that was not going to work. Even though it was extremely painful, I decided to take a lazzefaire attitude. My hands off, Lord, and Your hands on. I could do nothing but let God take over and do what only He can do, heal her core and change her wounded heart. There were many times of doubt. I would wonder and even had people ask if we as her parents were doing enough. Yet each time I felt as if there was no hope, God would remind me of the assurance we had years ago that it was that He had a plan for her and it was to prosper and not to fail, to give her hope and a future. Yes, I would say, I had faith, be it ever so trembling.

At sixteen, she had a son. The brunt of the responsibility of this new life was left to us. Of course she was the mommy, but she was also still a child. Before he was born, I was a bit resentful. Hadn't I raised eight children? Wasn't that enough? Why would I be given more child responsibility in my fifties? What I found was the joy far outweighed the cost. The child is a treasure. The child helped his mother through the years that followed and he helped us through the years that followed. I'm not sure any of the three of us, Scarlen, her dad or I would have survived with out the collective responsibility and purpose of the child.

We have been Scarlen's parents now for twenty one of her twenty eight years. She is coming into her own. She is a joy to have in our home. There were dark days in between. Many of them. But joy comes in the morning, says the Word and our joy has come. Our daughter is nearing the completion of a BA in business administration. She has been faithful at a job for a couple of years.
More importantly, she is respectful and kind and has taken over a more mature responibility of parenting Isaiah.

There is no projected time line of the healing process in the life of a wounded child. I was thinking this morning that we have parented our daughter now the normal length of time that birth children are parented; twenty one years. Perhaps I expected too much too soon. Why did I despair so often. Why did I threaten to give up? The reward is far too great to have missed. I know without a doubt that there is greater joy to come from her in future years. Our prayer at this point is that God would bring to both her and Isaiah a man of faith who would love and cherish and care for both of them. If we would allow our selfish tendencies to flourish, we would want to keep them until the child reaches adulthood, but we know that wouldn't be our first choice for them. Before Isaiah was born, I read this statement, "If one has a child from birth to five years old, he/she will become what he has learned in those years". While I didn't like the thought of that in regard to all four of the children we adopted after the years of 0-5, I took it to heart over this new baby. I remember telling my husband's mother that my prayer was that we would have this little boy for at least five years. It has been eleven years now and he has been in our home nearly all of that time. The investment we have made in both of them makes their futures so important to us. I guess if we had to make a comparison of parental investment into our children, the investment we have in Scarlen and her child far outweighs that which we have made in any other of our children. Investment is measured here not in dollar bills but in prayer and desire; in emotion and effort. Very interesting seeing that all our other children were sought after, Scarlen was given to us unexpectedly. I think God had a special task for Ken and me in giving us this child of His. He was looking for people who had experience in loving children born to others. We met that criteria. He was looking for people who could handle disappointment and challenge. I guess we met that criteria, too, although that was unknown to us at the time. He was looking for people that trusted the outcome to Him. I suppose he molded us into that criteria, too. If He had asked us if we were up to the challenge, we would have resounded with a loud "NO". Yet, He didn't ask us. He simply placed her in our family and asked us to love this child. While she is still learning the depth and sincerity of our love, we are still learning the love of God goes beyond our understanding. Where did the love in our hearts for her come? Obviously from His throne of grace in our lives. God molds all of us in His way and in His timeline. I praise Him for giving us the gift of these two people in our family.

God taught me a long time ago, to hold my children in my hands with a bit of space between my fingers. The hand would not drop them but the open fingers left them room to be something God created them to me, not what I wanted to create them to be. I trust him with all eight of the precious ones he has given me and the seventeen and 2/3 grandchildren he has blessed us with. Praise Him today for those in your family whom you may not understand and with whom you wish to despair over. There is joy coming in the morning. Trust Him for it.