Loving Well

May I be transparent with you today? Yesterday morning, I was in a bum. I had totally had it. The night before my husband had said something hurtful to me in the company of others. I was crushed. Did he mean it to crush me? No, probably not, but that didn't change the way my heart was affected. We got home later than our normal bedtime and didn't work it out before we tried to go to sleep. I tossed and turned and tossed and turned. Sleep would not come and God's counsel not go to bed angry ran across the computer screen of my mind a hundred times. I noticed that my husband was also not sleeping well. When I moved, he moved. Not a good sign. That made my falling asleep more difficult. I saw one thirty on the clock, then three thirty.....I would be relieved when daylight moved across my horizon.

In the morning, my daughter gave me fits. I mean, I tried to please in every way, shape, or form but nothing pleased her. Pretty soon, I was to blame for something that was her responsibility. I bordered on giving up entirely with the whole bunch that live here. I wrote the daughter a note and explained my heart which she often hears better from a note than from my mouth. I lay the note on her bed and left the house for Bible study group.

Yea, I was going to Bible study. Crushed, angry and ready to kill. On my way, I remembered that just last week we started a new study series called, Loving Well. I just about turned the car around and traveled in the opposite direction. I probably would have except that I knew I would have to answer to another of my daughters who would be at Bible study, not to mention my close friends who would also be there. So I went, determined in my mind not let the lesson negate my anger and hurt. I also determined not to tell anyone how I really felt lest the dam of frustration come out in a flood of tears.

I sat through the teaching video. I chuckled when the teacher was funny. I tried to particpate. I knew full well that I had not followed God's directive on how to handle anger, at least with my husband. The teaching focused on God's love for us and how we can't love anyone unless we allow God to love us first. I thought, "Well, God, seems you love me so much you allow others to punch and hurt me".

I got out of Dodge as soon as the lesson was over. I allowed myself the privilege of coming home for awhile since I knew the others were gone. I had the whole place to myself and I had some things to accomplish so I went home. When it was almost time for my husband to come home from chasing a small white ball around eighteen holes at the local greens, I decided to go away and stay away the remainder of the day. I wouldn't even be home for dinner....then he'd feel bad. Now I can laugh but yesterday it wasn't so funny.

I went to Merrillville and shopped for groceries. I didn't look for anything else knowing I better not spend any more money since I had spent a fortune on gas just getting there. I like to justify things, you know. As I shopped, something came over me. Yes, I know what it was. It was the spirit of God. Gradually, my attitude changed and that anger and hurt seemed to disappear and it certainly wasn't because I wanted it to. I had a plan and was stickin to it. It wasn't very long and my plan became, "I'll go home and cook them all a nice big dinner."

Soon the car was in motion and the direction was south toward home. On my arrival, every one was amiable and I was sort of guarded, I suppose. I began cooking dinner and found it a joy. Everyone found time to come to the dinner table. We enjoyed a delicious dinner and some loving conversation.

After dinner, I noticed the light on my cell phone was blinking. I opened it and saw I had a text message. It was the daughter I had been so frustrated with. The message, "I love you, Mom."
Thank you, Lord, for loving well through me even when I didn't feel like it.