Bad Memories

Our daughter Sherri called yesterday and demanded I call the cardiologist and see if he got a report from the kidney test I had. It was four in the afternoon and she said with vigor, "Mom, you need to call that office right now, I'm hanging up and you are calling." So, chicken that I am, asked Ken to call for the report. The report was received with joy as it showed my kidneys to be of normal size and general normalcy. That was a huge relief. Now, I'm left with the original problem of not being able to take the amount of diuretic that my body is used to. My appointment is at least a week away. I'm very tired of feeling bloated (and looking bloated). My husband assures me they will get it figured out. I'm hanging on to the healing promises the Lord gives me in His Word. I've been around this mountain many times and still find myself freaking out with fear and worry. I'm really sorry that those feelings come out; I feel so weak .......yesterday, I tried to figure out the source and origin of that fear. The only thing I can think of was what I experienced when I was five years old. My dad had a cerebral hemorrhage in my parent's bedroom one night. I recall my mother giving him a clothes pin to chew on so that he wouldn't swallow his tongue. I remember seeing blood coming from either his nose or mouth. We didn't have a phone at that time so my mother, feeling helpless, stood at the back door of our house yelling the neighbor's name. The neighbor lived at least the distance of a block away. The neighbor didn't hear her pleas for help but a man named Ed De Vries :) had met a car driven by a neighbor of his and they were parked in the middle of the gravel road chatting. People did that a lot when I was a kid, they didn't have the hurry we have today. They heard my mom's plea and Ed and his wife came over. Ed went to get word to the ambulance driver to come and then went to my dad's family home to alert his parents. Soon my mother's parents (who lived in the next house on the west side of our house) turned up as well. The ambulance came and took my daddy away. He had come home about a year and a half before from World War II. We weren't ready to have him gone again. I remember the quiet somber mood in the living room with my four grandparents. It was such a frightening time for me as well as for everyone else. I recall my mother telling someone within my earshot that a nurse had talked my dad through the night telling him to fight for life. My parents were acquainted with a couple a bit older than they whose seventeen year old daughter was also in the hospital. I walked into her room with my mom and the father was sitting in the corner of the room with a five year old daughter and a four year old daughter each on one of his knees. That five year old girl eventually became my bosom buddy at De Motte Christian School. She is one of my favorite people to this day. The outcome for their family was different than ours. My dad recovered, but Alisha died. Another horrid memory for this little girl called Gayle. My dad came home from the hospital in the same ambulance that took him. He was terribly weak and couldn't stand on his own. The ambulance parked at our front door (which was without stairs at that point). I recall with pure fondness my Grandpa saying to his son as he helped get his gurney through the door, "Put your arms around my neck, Jimmy, and hang on." It makes me weep all over again. Those were such tender words from the father to the son. It was the only time I recall hearing either of my dad's parents call him Jimmy. He was always Jim, which was a much better name for a man that at most times in his life was strong and self sufficient. Once home, my dad's job was to get stronger. The doctor told my mother to feed him an eggnog a day. Those were the days we whisked a raw egg, put in a cup of milk, a couple of tablespoons of sugar and a teaspoon of vanilla. Today we are warned not to eat fresh raw eggs. I do recall enjoying those eggnogs so much...they were delicious. Evidently they were nutritous as well. My dad recovered and is now 88 years old.

So that was what came to me when I explored why illness makes me so uneasy. I don't know if it has any bearing on my discomfort but that is the first time I remember experiencing those feelings of fear and dread. Lord Jesus, I invite you to go to that place in my memory bank and touch them with your healing.

The Party Continued Today

Yesterday after I posted I thought to myself, "did I write Christmas 2009 on that blog? It is only 2008." So I just checked and yes I had made that error. I guess I'm rushing the years and I certainly don't wish to do that.

Joshua and Susan's family and Kendra and Craig all stayed the night at Lauri's so the day after the party, we continued to party down. I think everyone was on their trip home by about two o'clock and I was spent. We so enjoyed our two days with the six of our kids that could attend. It is just wonderful to visit with adults who happen to have the same values you do. It always amazes me how it comes out somehow that the things we attempted to teach them, they really did grasp. I guess that is good news for those of you who have budding adults still under your roof. Makes one oh so grateful and just a little bit proud. Not a pride that is evil but one that gives one the feeling of fulfillment. The kind of thing that one can look at and say with conviction, God is faithful. He gets all the praise.

Adopting older children has been one of our experiences in life. Today, we sat around the kitchen table and talked real feelings about how it was when Joshua and Jennifer joined our family. We were under the impression these kids were coming from an orphanage just as our first adoption had been. When we got them we were told the mother had brought them to the orphanage the night before they flew out. They had not been prepared emotionally at all. They were sort of tricked into this flight by the promise of things that were not totally true. None of their four older brothers knew what their mother was doing. Obviously, the adjustment was totally huge. Today I got the chance to tell Joshua how we felt. I expressed that I was truly angry with this mother that I did not know who sent her 12 and 8 year old to us in America to a strange culture and family. I told him that I had a tough time figuring God's will out at that time. I still don't get it, but we were true to our committment to love them and rear them in the ways of the Lord. And love them we do....dearly.....and they us. So for whatever reason, God had a plan.

All this came up because one of the older brothers sent his eleven year old son to Chicago the middle of December. It is his winter break (two months). The poor little kid is struggling with homesickness. Jennifer told me she just didn't understand his tears. I looked at her like she was from out of space. When I asked if she didn't remember all the nights I sat by her bedside, holding her, comforting her and crying with her, she responded that she has no recollection of that memory. Isn't it a grace of God that that pain she felt was lifted out of her memory bank?

Jun Soeng came to our family celebration yesterday. He is a delightful boy, very cute and very social. At one point, I turned around to see that he had gone over to our little 11 month old Emerson and picked her up and sat down on the sofa to love over her. It was just precious. He also got along with all the big kids by whooping them in video games and just having plain fun.

It is just amazing to me that God would bring all of this family connection full circle. The mother I had no love for years ago has been a guest in our home. She loves the Lord and I have to believe that she has grown in the thirty years we have had the kids. Now we have one of her grandchildren at our family gathering and everybody was doing their utmost to make him feel accepted and loved. It doesn't take much for me to look at a Korean face and adore it but it thrilled me to see all our grandchildren hovering around this person that arrived as stranger and left as friend.

Today was going to be the day we were going to get results from my tests. Nada. We can't get into the specialist until January 7th. Not exactly sure what steps we will take next but I have to believe that God is going before me and has everything in His control. Just a bit confused.

The De Vries Family Christmas 2008

Tomorrow is the day our children and grandchildren come to celebrate Christmas. My gracious daughter, Lauri, offered to have it at her house. I don't think I could pull that off right now. Six of our eight children will be attend and with their children the count goes up. Most are coming in tonight as to avoid sleek roads in the morning.

I had decided that I would make a run to Costco and buy my contributions. I haven't been out of the house in quite some time so I knew it was a stretch. When I told Lauri of my intentions she asked if I wanted her to come along. I wouldn't have asked her because she has all her family home today but her husband said he would man the fort while we were gone.

We had a grand time buying things for our party. Our noon lunch will consist of appetizers of all sorts so we bought a variety. As we pulled away with our Durango full, Lauri said, "Wow, we got alot done and it isn't even one o'clock in the afternoon." We chuckled as we talked about the pumpkin pie and the cheesecake all ready to serve. We also got a box of their mini brownies which are delicious. A big veggie tray is ready to set on the table. Some puff pastry looks wonderful. To say that everything there is expensive is a given but on the other hand, when it is ready to go on the table, it is worth a whole lot more than buying the ingredients and then having make or bake it. To say I am thankful for Costco today is an understatement. I feel like my contributions will be beautiful and delicious.

The food is important but the love that is shared is the frosting on the cake of family togetherness. The Lord has blessed us immeasureably.

One more thing. Today is our eldest son's birthday. I recall the year he was born, it was rainy and flooding, not much different than today. His grandfather, Ken's dad, was popping his pride buttons because we named the baby boy, John, after him. I have always loved that name, even as a kid. My next door neighbor boy was a John and he was so tender and wonderful. It took no sacrifice on my part to name our baby, John. I still love the name but I love the son even more. Congratulations, John. Your dad and I are proud to call you our son.

The Day After Christmas

Christmas 2009 has come and gone. Just like that. This year, I barely noticed it. I didn't shop the whole month of December. I think I went with Lauri sometime soon after Thanksgiving Day and that is the last time I've been in a store. I could have cared less. I think that I have said before in this space that the economic down turn gave me total permission to cut back and remember that less is more. When I look at my bulging closet, I am ashamed. Such ridiculousness to have all that clothes. When I get a chance, I must clean that out. There isn't another pretty thing that I need or desire. Is there something any of us really needed? We got a couple of boxes from our Florida son the other day. One had my name and one had Ken's. Ken's was a navigation device. Now he really needed that. Naw, but he will put that to good use, it is true. Last summer we used a friend's while we traveled to the southwest. It was really handy. Isaiah was with us and had it figured out in minutes, I'm not sure if we would have figured it out at all. In my box was a portable hard drive. Now I'm not sure I know exactly what to do with that but my kids assure me I will figure it out and that I will really like it. Very nice gifts indeed. We were grateful.



Christmas eve and most of Christmas day were quiet for us. Christmas morning we watched Isaiah open his gifts. From our daughter, her friend that also lives here and Isaiah we received a portable cooler that plugs into the power source in the car. Pretty clever. Then the familiy went off to church. Later we went to our daughter, Lauri and Elton's house for dinner around four o'clock. We had a delicious Christmas meal. We also got to witness all the kid's loot. Every grandchild came to us to display the latest acquirement. They were excited as well they should be. They, too, are tremendously blessed.



I still know nothing about my test results. On Monday we were told they would need a day or two. Wellllllll, it is long past that. I can think of two options. One would be that whatever the tests show it doesn't require an emergency treatment or I could believe that doctors take holidays and the days prior and after off and don't really care what happens to their patients. When we learned this morning that it will be Monday before we learn anything I threw my hands up and said, "Well, Lord, I guess you have a few more days to heal me before I go in to see the specialist". I am feeling some better so that makes life a bit more pleasant. Still the unknown is a factor. Continue to pray that God is restoring my health to the law of health he placed in me at birth. Jesus is the best specialist in any field.



A friend just called to tell me about a sale she found at Walmart. Yes, normally, I would be out there pounding the pavement, too. In fact, this is the friend that I almost had to beg to go shopping on Black Friday last year. She found the crowds so intimidating. Her peach of a husband came along. We had a system down. We would go around and gather what we wanted to purchase and then bring it to him who was already standing in the mile long line. As the line inched ahead, he would kind of push the merchandise along. By the time we were finished shopping a particular store, Jim was fairly close to the head of the line. What a patient man. Makes me laugh all over again to envision that scene. We certainly had a good time. Friends are the best. We are blessed with many of them.

Wholesome Thoughts and Words

Good Afternoon.....

This morning I got it together and wrapped the gifts I purchased for the younger grandchildren. Yesterday I put a little cash in money holders for the bigger kids. I've come to the place in life where giving them money is far more wise than trying to buy a gift they won't really use or don't really need. Little kids are thrilled with anything. So, I am ready for Sunday as far as gifts are concerned.

All of my life I have fought off thinking dark gloomy thoughts when ever I am sick. I know that it is no fun to be around me at those times. I turned on the television this morning and James Robison had a guest brain specialist who also is a Christian. Her message hit me square between the eyeballs. I simply don't trust my Lord. Yes in many ways I do but in this area of life...I simply don't. She talked about how the body (Christ's temple) goes into healing mode when we think the thoughts of Christ who in Phillipians tells us to think on these things; things that are wholesome, pure, of good report etc. I was taken to task by Jesus. I knelt on my knees this morning and gave Him my body. Strange isn't it? He gives us His broken body for our healing and we hang on for dear life thinking that if we try to protect our bodies or heal ourselves we are better off. How stupid. After hearing that gal, I decided to change my day. I will have a good one because God has gone before me and made my way smooth.

6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.


Then shortly after that show, Joyce Meyer came on with Dr Paul Meier. Guess what their topic was? Attitude and changing ones mind. Oh, by the way, the former speaker said one can turn their attitude and thoughts around in four days. God give me the strength, peace and comfort to stick with your will. Dr. Meier said to wear a rubber band and each time you think or say a negative thought, snap it. I am wearing a rubber band. I've snapped it twice today so far.

No Cards This Year

I apologize for not getting cards out this season. Just don't have the spirit right now. Just surviving is an effort. BUT, I have enjoyed all the cards we have received and so many of them are picture cards. I don't recall a year in which so many pictures have arrived. I love those. Thanks Hoosier Mama, I felt honored to receive the picture of your beautiful family. Enjoy these moments.....it is the best time of your life. I remember when people told me that when our children were teens and young adults and I would have told them they were crazy. But, it truly was such a neat time in the life of our family. There are certainly many challenges that raise their ugly head but for the most part it is a sweet time to watch one's children grow into adults.

I am scheduled for a renal ultrasound on Monday morning. There is certainly a problem and I see no resolution. God has to have one for me. It is so difficult to trust at a time like this. I don't know what I would do with out my husband, kids and friends. Ken has been an absolute rock. My kids are concerned and suportive, too. My friend Joyce, came today for a few hours and passed the time away as well as kept my mind off my self for the most part. No matter how I will not to worry, I still do it. At one point today, I audibly addressed God and said, " I simply cannot give all this to you....I don't have what it takes to do that.....but I know that your spirit does have the power to help me and I'm relying on You. Please pray that God will zero through my doubt and fears and surprise me with His grace and mercy.

Storms and Accidents

Last year as we came home from Phoenix, we drove for over a hundred miles where an ice storm snapped limbs off trees. We couldn't believe the damage. Now we have an ice storm or snow storm coming our way. I would prefer the snow storm though the ice storm could be exciting. All our trees snapped? Naw, lets just settle for the snow. I guess we aren't in control of what we get but we sure can ask the Father to spare us and our trees.

Trees are nothing compared to the safety of human life. One of the men from our church was in an accident yesterday. He called his wife and told her he had been in an accident and that he was hurt. About that point his phone disconnected and the poor wife knew nothing more for an hour and a half. What agony must have gone on in her mind and heart. This couple's only child is a student at Dordt College and wants to get home as soon as possible for the sake of her parents. An uncle was put in charge of asking her to stay put until this storm is past. I can't imagine the parent's stress if that girl starts out on Route 80 to come home during the storm. The uncle has a persuasive manner and is the best candidate to make sure she stays put. The injured father will have surgery today to fix multiple fractures in his pelvis. Interestingly, they are finding joy in the fact that his air bag kept his head from serious injury.